You’re verbally assaulted, either by someone you know, or even the complaining customer you just met. And, you don’t handle it well; either shouting right back or simply taking it; only afterward realizing just the right response.
Yes, even while beginning to master the art of positive persuasion, we can still be “thrown off” when verbally attacked. The reason is simply the surprise itself. Let’s look at how to prepare for these attacks so the surprise factor will not be able to get the best of you. Then we’ll check out some specific language you can use to effectively diffuse the situation and bring it under control, and have your antagonizer virtually eating out of your hands.
Brian from New Jersey writes, “I find I can be in a disagreement with someone and really use your methods to mutual advantage. That’s not the issue. My problem is when I’m verbally attacked right from the beginning. Someone comes at me and starts yelling at me, and I just react and blow my top. Then, of course, it goes downhill from there. Any advice?”
———-
Brian, the greatest thing about your question, and what I appreciate most about it, is your recognizing this as a challenge. Excellent first step. I’ve been there and can relate. Please know that once you master yourself in this area, you’ll be much more effective and productive, both for yourself and for others. There’ll be no stopping you!
Near the end of your question you said you “react” and blow your top. That’s right. Reacting will do that, which is why it’s much more productive to train yourself to “respond” instead.
So, how do you effectively handle a verbal attack, diffuse it, and turn the situation 180 degrees?
Two suggestions: First is to mentally rehearse a situation in which someone verbally attacks you. See yourself, in your mind’s eye, responding with calmness and serenity, completely in control of your own emotions and thus, in control of the situation. If you can do it in your mind, you can do it in a real-life situation.
Just as an astronaut training for a mission goes through numerous simulations before ever actually going into space, you’ll find rehearsing in your mind before the event ever takes place puts you nine steps ahead of the game…in a ten-step game.
In the next article, we’ll see one example of how this mental rehearsal, plus the right words and attitude, can absolutely turn your attacker into your advocate.
Enjoy this post? Receive an update when our next post is published by entering your best email address below and clicking Get Updates.
These are some concepts I hope to see folks apply more as they grow in the social media space too. Since modern media has given a large stage to so many, and personal branding is now a must-do for business, it also opens one up to some negative situations that they might have never dealt with before in the physical world.
My success in social media has not been due to any fancy tech skills or cutting edge education, but more due to applying the basic traditional principles of building relationships that you teach so well.
Thank you, and I am looking forward to Part Two!
Listen, Share, Care & LOVE IT!
Harrison
Bob,
Great point about the mental rehearsal. I am reminded about an idea in AA where they speak about the need for “sober experiences” to help handle the temptation to essentially fall back into habitual reactions. This is very similar in that we can either wait to put together a series of these successful responses, or we can create them in our minds first. Done well, the mind can’t tell the difference and now we have a model to follow. Thanks for this post!
Looking forward to hearing more in this series. Those of us with passion and emotion can sometimes have it fail us, even as it powers us.
Great post, Bob. I’ve shared this with my wife as she’s often “thrown” by our teenage son.
Can anyone else out there relate? 🙂
Hi All, thank you for your excellent thoughts and comments. Very appreciated!
Greetings from Japan:
I was verbally attacked by an extremely aggressive man in the veterinarian clinic. He was also a customer like myself. I speak fluently Japanese but I am not Japanese and plus I am a female. For no reason other than his dog didn’t like my dog, the dog’s owner, Japanese guy started verbally attacking me. It was horrible, it escalated with every second, especially after I told him “sorry that our dogs don’t like each other”. He was about to slap me or something but his scream was so loud, he was totally out of control. And I got scared as he was about to attack me physically. This all took place inside the VET clinic’s waiting room. I only said one sentence: “sorry that our dogs don’t like each other”. He just went on and on screaming like totally crazy man. The sad thing was I had 6 witnesses and NOBODY said nothing to him, including the VET. Nobody.
I knew the only way out was to be silent and let him scream at me. I felt so helpless…Especially when at the end he said I should go and die at the nuclear power plant which is leaking in Fukushima after the biggest earthquake M9.0 last week. I felt so so helpless.
Jana, I’m very sorry this happened to you. In this case, it would appear that he was – to put it mildly – a mentally and/or emotionally unstable person. In this case, your concern can not be winning that person over as much as simply protecting yourself physically. What a shame that no one who was there came to your side to assist you. Regarding the one sentence you mentioned; please don’t blame yourself. My guess is that it would not have mattered what you said; he was apparently a “bully” who was looking for someone upon whom he could take out his anger. Again, I’m sorry that happened.
hi thanks you