In a recent post, Linda Ryan related that after a very near automobile accident, she was suddenly overcome with gratitude for what “didn’t happen.” She asked her readers if we thought that was “silly.”
No way. Here was my response:
[T]here have been plenty of times in my life (including near-collisions) where my gratitude over something bad not happening totally reframed my mood. I quickly went from taking things for granted (or even sadness/lack of gratitude for what I didn’t have), to being in a state of immense appreciation. Nothing “silly” about this at all. The good news is that — with enough active consciousness we can do this even without something scary like a near-accident to “wake us up.”
The Sages taught that we can reframe our attitude and mood by imagining losing our senses, such as our ability to see, hear, touch, etc. We can imagine losing everything financially or other uncomfortable situations. And, then, upon realizing that none of that actually happened, we can again live in a state of gratitude. Thank you for the awesome reminder, Ms. Ryan. Your posts continue to impress!!
Has something like that ever happened to you? And, how are you at shifting into a state of gratitude without something nearly horrendous happening to you first? I’d love to know.
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Wow – great article followed by great comments! Wish there was a like button for them too!
I think of it the way scientists are learning happens – there are “train tracks” for emotional patterns in our brains (response to something happening with a feeling of gratitude comes automatically sometimes – especially in those danger moments like you mention) and we can reinforce the ones we want by embracing them when they happen or purposely choosing to pause and shift our thinking.
The more you practice gratitude and savor the various levels of joy, the more tracks get laid and the easier it is to have that as an immediate response. If you have kids, you know that selfish, entitled and the big “mine” is built in – but as they learn trust, gain perspective and find out there are good feelings from sharing the are better than having full possession – patterns can change. (Thankful for that!!!)
Oh yes, this is a great reminder! When I first heard about taking a moment and writing down 5 things I’m grateful for I admit that I thought it was stupid. This was years ago, and it finally got through my thick skull and regardless of what my opinion was, I went ahead and did it anyway. What a difference it makes in my life! While I no longer write them out, I’ve “laid the train tracks” (thanks Kathryn!) so when something “bad” happens I can immediately switch it around and look for the lesson and the blessing in the event. And those Near Misses are an instant reminder that I am blessed in so many ways. Makes for a happier, healthier life!! Thanks Bob and Linda!
At a Yes to Success workshop early this year, I incorporated gratitude moments into my day. When I wake up, I think about at least five things that I’m grateful for. At the end of the day, I reflect on at least five things to be grateful for from the day that transpired. It really sets me into a great frame of mind at the beginning and end of each day.
Flattery will get you EVERYWHERE and you just flattered the living heck out of me, Bob! Thank you for that, and for this great reminder about the power of our gratitude. I feel like as good as I can be at understanding this, I all-too-often need to REMIND myself of it. It’s so easy/normal to notice the things we don’t have or the things we don’t like. However, when I do remember, it does absolute wonders for shifting my mood, attitude and ultimately the quality of my day.
Would it be inappropriate to end with I SO love you? Let me know before I hit “Submit Comment”, because I wouldn’t want to embarrass you. Ooooops
Bob and Linda, great thought-provoking post this morning! (I’m getting addicted to the good vibes that come from this blog and its followers).
I had a chronic illness for several years that rendered me physically exhausted and unable to work full time or do most physical activities – even simple ones like doing the dishes or going shopping. I knew I’d get better with time, so I focused on what I could do. I could read and write, so I did both as much a lot. I spent a lot of time writing about who I wanted to be as well person (rather than focusing on being a sick person).
Once I was well again, I kept my promises and became that person I’d written about. I remain grateful for that illness! First, it wasn’t as bad as others have it. I didn’t lose my senses or any limbs. I recovered. At some point almost every day , when I’m shopping or just out running errands I think ‘Wow! I’m ok now!’ And I’m filled with gratitude. I think I have my ‘gratitude trigger’ for the rest of my life!
I’ve learned to have gratitude in the everyday-ordinary-extraordinary. When I find myself in a traffic jam or delayed from traveling, I quickly say a prayer of gratitude for the unexpected delay. I do not know that the delay isn’t keeping me from experiencing a problem down the road. I do not know what perils I’m being protected from because of lost car keys or snarled traffic.
Whenever there is an adverse situation, I think how grateful I am to have options on how to deal with it. I may have to go through tough stuff, but I can be grateful for the opportunity to show what I’m made of or to learn something along the way.
As is typical here, the comments are as great as the post itself!
Karen’s idea is as good as it gets~ starting and ending each day with gratitude pretty much guarantees our happiness. Not to mention a great night’s sleep!
Hi Kim, my name is Linda, and I’m an addict too. And reading an awesome comment like yours is one reason why. Your attitude is infectious and I’m so glad you shared it with us today.
Debbi, if more people shared your prayer in a traffic jam, well we probably wouldn’t have traffic jams.
Kathryn, I’m with you~ I’d like a “like” button for the comments, as well as the post! And if there was one, I’d click it for your comment. I never heard about the “train tracks”, but now that I have….WOO! WOO! Thanks Kathryn!!!
I agree with Linda; your comments are spectacular. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. All of your comments have added so much value to the original post!
For so long I felt like appreciating something that did not happen was a bad thing because I was focusing in the “lack” in a sense, but I realized that the “nots” can be as good as the “haves” it is just all about how you grateful you are. I kept meaning to put this on Linda’s blog but I will write it here. A few weeks ago my family and I went up to Sedona. On the way home a large tanker truck hauling gas either was dozing off or not paying attention as he was coming down this long windy mountain road. He was in the lane next to us and there was a car in front of us. The tanker reacted when he saw that he was about to hit the truck in front of him and jumped in the lane we were in. Lucky for us the woman in front of us reacted well and my husband reacted well and all that happened was we were run off the road. No damage, kids were ok. Strangely enough right before we left, we always drive my husbands larger SUV on these trips, but I suggested taking my car at the last second. The difference in the weights of the car made the difference in stopping and maneuvering fast enough in the near accident to avoid a much worse possible disaster. So I am grateful for what did not happen that day because I can guarantee you I would not have won against a tanker truck in an accident. Thank you both for your great blogs!!!
I believe gratitude is a state of mind that needs to be cultivated and developed through conscious effort. I often do the exercise of briefly imagining what it would be like to lose something precious to me. like you referred in your post, imagining losing my sight, or anything else precious to me. This helps me to develop my sense of gratitude and to be grateful for the little things in life may times taken for granted.
Great post. Many times I’ve experienced giant floods of relief when something nearly happened. Sometimes I get an actual tingly feeling in my body when I’ve been shocked. Must be something to do with the blood rushing around … not sure but heck yes it instantly reframes the situation and reminds you to be grateful every minute!
@ Debbi – Gratitude during a traffic jam! That’s perfect. You don’t have anything else to do anyway, right, so why not take a moment to reflect on all the good things.
Over Labor Day weekend, my office was destroyed in the Bastrop County Complex Fire. It has made me very grateful that my home survived, and it’s made me realize that the most important parts of my business are between my ears. So I’m grateful to the fire for burning away what I didn’t need, forcing me out of the nest to a better location, and teaching me a lot of lessons. The things I lost are tuition for the things I learned.