In yesterday’s post , Liz Lynch, author of Smart Networking: Attract A Following In Person And Online, suggested that while the typical person forms their first impression of the other by silently assessing how that person can be of help to them, the more astute Networker, the Go-Giver (and I can tell you from personal experience, Liz is definitely one of those) comes from a very different point of view, wondering first how they might be of service to the other.
A rather strange-sounding term, “The willing suspension of self-interest” was then introduced. When first seeing it in Thomas Power’s book, Networking for Life, it brought to my mind the movie term, “The willing suspension of disbelief.”
In other words, we know it’s just a movie; we know that James Bond isn’t really blowing up an entire terrorist’s compound, and that when the head terrorist points a gun at his head and he responds by coolly cracking a joke, the actor’s life isn’t actually in danger. But, in order to enjoy the story, we willingly suspend our disbelief.
In the same way, when we willingly suspend our self-interest (note, I didn’t say forego our self-interest; that would be neither natural, nor healthy) we create an environment where a great deal more abundance will actually find its way toward us.
But, is that just some “Positive Mental Attitude” nonsense that doesn’t actually work in the real world?
Not at all. It works quite well in the real world. In fact, amazingly well. And, why is that? Because when you can take your focus off of yourself and be, what John David Mann and I call, “Other-Focused” and constantly, genuinely look for ways to add value to their lives, you create some amazing good-will.
The seeds you plant result in others feeling good about you know; indeed, feeling as though they “know you, like you and trust you; wanting to see you succeed; wanting to be a part of your life.
Yes, it works, providing you avoid one very dangerous trap. And, we’ll look at that all-to-easy-to- fall-into situation in the next article.
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You are SO one of those… That open others to the gold within them… And are willing to suspend your judgement of antics, pathology, negativity to bring out the best….
Gorgeous!
Bob, once again, I just love you! You are REAL, You truly CARE & you REALLY make a difference in the lives of others! You are a great Friend & Mentor. A Master of Understanding & Wisdom.
Chaachi
What you are describing is simply agape love. “Agape” is one of the Greek words for love, and it is used in the Bible to describe the kind of love God exhibits to us. In fact, it is His very character (1 John 4:8, “God is love” [love = agape]). Agape love is selfless, always directed toward the other person (“other-focused”), unconditional, never expecting anything in return, always resulting in acts of love toward the other person. That’s the way He relates to us. We can willingly suspend our self interest and freely exhibit agape love without trying to ensure that we get something out of it. But that can only happen if we have a personal relationship with Him. Then we realize that we don’t have to worry about being repaid because God is in control and has already promised to provide for all our needs. We are not dependent on other people to meet our needs.
Agape love and God’s sovereignty is a Judeo-Christian truth, but even the secular world understands this on a different plane. They understand that you tend to attract what you give away. So if you give away help to other people, you somehow attract help from other people. If you give away money, you seem to attract money from other sources. It’s a great system! What an incredible world this would be if everyone would try it.
Your reminder is very timely as we prepare for Thanksgiving and the holiday season. Job seekers will find that this willing suspension of self-interest will help them stay motivated and feel better when they move through job search disappointments. It’s easy to get caught up in our own fatigue when looking for a job, and this simple change in mindset could make a significant difference. Thank you for writing, Bob.
Thank you Natalie, Chaachi, Keith and Gaye for your thoughts and kind feedback. Please know how much I appreciate you!
Once again, I learn not only from your post, but from your readers. I did not know “Agape” meant Love. Now I do! Thanks Keith!
Shifting the focus from our self to our client/prospect/friend/colleague/neighbor/etc. really shifts our thinking and sets us both up to win…probably bigger and better and faster than if our focus is on OUR wants and needs. Thanks Bob…and other commentors.
PS. I ditto every words Chaachi said 🙂