We all want people to do what we want them to do. That's only natural. And there's nothing wrong with that, providing we also care about how the outcome affects them. So, how do we get people to do what we want, in a way they can feel like a winner as well? Through Positive Persuasion, of course.

But in doing so, we must keep certain principles in mind, and base Our win/win methods on those principles. For instance, as we've discussed in previous articles, how do you effectively change the behavior of family members, friends, difficult neighbors, an unhelpful customer service representative, an "uncivil" civil servant, your kid's teacher, or practically anyone else . . . including prospects, customers and clients?

The principle we'll discuss in this particular article was expertly taught by Dale Carnegie, author of the classic, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (www.amazon.com). And that is:

"People do things for their reasons, not ours. So make your reason, their reason."

The fact is, their actions are always based on their own self-interest (Remember, even when giving charity, we do it because, since we believe it is right, it makes us feel good about ourselves). We have two choices; complain that life shouldn't be that way, or embrace the facts and utilize this principle for the benefit of all concerned.

If your request is "not" one with which the other person need comply, you must give them a personal benefit for taking action! Find THEIR reason, and present your request with that in mind.

Are you planning to ask your boss for a raise? Realizing she doesn't care that you are behind on your mortgage payment and really need the money, you're better off explaining that based on past performance, you could help her come in significantly under budget on the next project. That, of course, would make her look great to her superiors when she is seeking "her" raise (In other words, what's in it for HER?).

Important point: Everyone's "reason" is not necessarily money. Feeling good about oneself is often the most powerful motivator of all! Difficult people, in particular, tend to have a poor self-image. So take a genuine, personal interest in those people. Show them more genuine respect than they receive from the average person. Find out their "why". What will move their emotional hot button to cause them to take the action you want him or her to take. What's in it for THEM?

If you nail that answer, the chances are they'll bend over backwards to make you happy. That's win/win persuasion!

Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula.

He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to http:www.burg.com , then click on the link to his online store. Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.