Brian, the greatest thing about your question, and what I appreciate most about it, is your recognizing this as a challenge in the first place. Excellent first step. And, you know that once you master yourself in this area, you'll be much more effective and productive, both for yourself and for others. There'll be no stopping you!

Near the end of your question you said you "react" and blow your top. That's right. "Reacting" will do that, which is why it's much more important to train yourself to "respond" instead (for more complete explanation of the "React vs. Respond" concept, click here {link to that article}.

So, how do you effectively handle a verbal attack, diffuse it, and turn the situation 180 degrees?

Two suggestions: First is to mentally rehearse a situation in which someone verbally attacks you. See yourself, in your mind's eye, responding with calmness and serenity, completely in control of your own emotions and thus, in control of the situation. If you can do it in your mind, you can do it in a real-life situation.

Just as an astronaut training for a mission goes through numerous simulations before ever actually going into space, you'll find rehearsing in your mind before the event ever takes place puts you nine steps ahead of the game....in a ten-step game.

Secondly, let's pretend a customer/friend/family member is in a bad mood and approaches you in an angry, challenging manner. They unleash a small verbal assault. What do you do? First, again, you "respond" by maintaining control of yourself and your emotions. Remain calm, take a deep breath and hear them out. When they pause, you simply use these words: "I might possibly owe you an apology . . . I don't know. Did I say or do something to offend you?"

There will now be several very long seconds of silence, as they realize the inappropriateness of their actions. More than likely they'll answer, "No, I'm sorry, I'm just in a bad mood (or had a bad day, etc.). I'm really sorry.

Now you can let them know, "I understand. I've have those myself. Anything I can do to help?" WOW -- another case of taking that lemon, turning it into sweet lemonade and, without question, WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION.

Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula.

He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to http:www.burg.com , then click on the link to his online store. Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.