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While the technique of "Reverse Gossip" - in other words, when
someone begins to gossip, turning it around and making it into
a compliment - is an excellent way of bringing people together
and creating a climate of kindness and harmony, there are times
it just isn't so easy. In this article, you'll learn three
steps you can take in order to subtly and tactfully change the
direction of the conversation into a more positive and
beneficial one. -----------------------
Question: "Bob, you talk about The 'Reverse Gossip' Game;
{link} where, instead of saying something negative or gossipy
about someone, you say good things about them. But I find
gossip to be so common these days that it is a part of almost
all 'normal' conversation. I also agree that leading by example
is the best way to go, however, I don't find that too many
people 'pick up' on this when I am subtle. Is there a direct
way to address this, as well?" -----------------------
Turning Gossip into Kindness
By Bob Burg
Wow, that's a great question. And you are right!
Unfortunately, gossip has become so mainstream, accepted, and
yes . . . even encouraged(!) that it's difficult for people to
understand they are not acting appropriately when engaged in
this most destructive of habits. That's why they don't pick up
on your "subtle hints." There are three other steps - more
direct - you can take, and each of these must be done very
tactfully and graciously.
The first is to, every time something negative is said about a
particular person, chip in with a positive comment about them.
After a while it'll be noticed, and may even elicit a sarcastic
response such as, "Well aren't you Mr./Ms. Nice Person." You
can then POLITELY say, "You know the saying, 'If you don't have
anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.'" They'll
either change the subject or make a weak, defensive joke, but
it'll have an effect.
The second suggestion is actually to politely say, "You know,
it really makes me uncomfortable to speak behind someone's
back. Can we talk about something else?" They'll either change
the subject or make a weak, defensive joke, but it'll have an
effect.
Thirdly, and finally, you can simply walk away. Again, not with
an "attitude" or in overt disgust, but simply walk away. If
they ask why, just politely tell them your reason. They'll
either change the subject or make a weak, defensive joke, but
it'll have an effect.
Yes, they may laugh, or even snicker. But eventually, they'll
know that if they're going to gossip, you're not the person to
do it around. Hopefully, little-by-little, they'll begin to
think about your response every time they get the "yen" to
gossip. Hopefully they will realize the mistake they are about
to make and the lack of benefits involved, and begin to break
the habit.
Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals:
Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without
Intimidation and The Success Formula.
He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone
can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to
http:www.burg.com , then click on the
link to his online store.
Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can
subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.
Burg Communications, Inc.
PO Box 7002
Jupiter, FL 33468-7002
(800) 726-3667
bob@burg.com
Copyright 1998 Burg Communications, Inc.
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