The saying is old. The saying is also true.

Each and every year, millions of 1⁄4-inch drill bits are sold, yet nobody buying any one of these 1⁄4-inch drill bits actually wants a 1⁄4-inch drill bit.

Then, why do they buy them? Because they want a 1⁄4-inch hole!

What’s my point, and what does this have to do with influence and persuasion?

People do things/buy things, not for the thing itself, but for the benefit that doing/buying the thing brings them.

What makes this challenging is that those reasons are not always obvious. And, without knowing what they are, the chances of their taking the desired action are considerably lower.

The key is to find out by asking the right questions. In sales, not everyone has the same buying motivation. Some base their decision on price, others on quality, and still others on style or convenience. Your job is to find out in order to help them get the 1⁄4-inch hole they want.

It is the same outside of sales; people act upon their own reasons, which are often different from ours. In order to influence, you must know what their 1⁄4-inch hole is. Not yours; theirs! Once you do that, you’re most of the way there. (Actually, about 3/4-inches there.)

Whether personal or business, how do you find yourself doing in terms of focusing on the 1/4-inch hole? Are you able to do that? Or, are you more often than not stuck on the drill bit? If so, what do you feel would be a good step in the right direction?

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Quick note: I’m just about to head to the airport to speak on “Endless Referrals: The Go-Giver Way” in Chesapeake Beach, MD on Thursday. I most likely won’t be back online until Thursday night, so please don’t think I’m ignoring your comments.

Feel free to download Chapters One and Two of John David Mann’s and my new book, It’s Not About You. It will officially be released September 20th, however you may pre-order, if you’d like.

As discussed in a previous post, having to say no can be difficult and awkward. Whether due to a desire to please others or simply a difficulty with perceived conflict, the inability to turn down an offer or request you really don’t want to accept can result in both a loss of productivity and self-esteem.

As we ride along in the following video, let’s look at how we can do this in such a way that we can effectively say no while not only not offending the other person but causing them to respect you…and your boundaries a lot more.

{Note from Bob: Shame on me! Looking back at the video, I really set a horrible example by doing that post while driving. While it was actually a safe environment, it was still a really dumb thing to do. So, not only “please don’t try this at home” (you know what I mean) but I will never do that again.}

As I’m writing this^*, I’m looking at Maddy the dog, the Labrador retriever of Michele, one of my part-time team members. Maddy is sitting just to the left of me, giving me “that look” (i.e., “feed me, Uncle Bob”).

Interesting thing about Maddy; she looks at everyone as though they are the most important person in her world, and it’s easy to fall in love with her. And, pretty much everyone does.

The office complex management sort of frowns upon pets but everyone in our vicinity adores her. I think the paragraph above explains why. When she’s with you, she gives you her full and loving attention. She is totally in the moment, focusing on every word you say, as well as the way you say it. She even gives feedback (via the speed of her wagging tail) according to your intonation and pitch level.

Of course, her ultimate goal is food (trust me, that *is* Maddy’s ultimate goal). And she seems to see me as an easy “mark”; figuring – and, I suspect, mentally imaging – that, if she keeps looking at me like she is right now, I’ll give her a goody, which, I eventually do every time (even though I keep telling her this is the very last one and absolutely no more . . . and I really do mean it!)

Apparently, she also seems to think I’m a great guy, licking and cuddling up to me after each time I feed her something. (Hmmm. There’s an old saying that “behavior that gets rewarded, gets repeated.” But, as I think that about her, I suspect she’s thinking the same thing about me.)

So, let’s see; she is goal oriented. She treats people kindly. She focuses on the person lovingly and intently. She is graciously persistent. She understands the power of rewarding positive behavior. And, she lives totally  “in the moment.”

These are some great “winning” lessons we can learn from Maddy. “Thank you, good girl, for writing this blog post for me. Here’s a treat . . . but it’s the last one . . . and I really do mean it this time.

*This post is from several years ago, hence the reference to an office complex. Today, “International HQ” is otherwise known as ”one of those rooms in my home.”