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“If Benjamin Franklin had picked someone to teach the lessons in self-mastery that he used in his life, he would have picked Bob Burg.”

~ Vic Johnson, Founder AsAManThinketh.net

Posts Tagged ‘Dale Carnegie’

One Mom’s Very Persuasive Questions

Friday, January 2nd, 2015

What More Can I SayOne of the golden rules of human nature — as so perfectly illustrated by Dale Carnegie in his classic, How to Win Friends And Influence People — is that, “Ultimately, People do things for their reasons, not our reasons.”

As such, in order to elicit a person to make a decision and take the action you feel they should…they must feel they should. And, this will most likely only happen as a result of you asking the right questions.

Communication Authority, Dianna Booher suggests that “Questions allow the other person to collaborate on the data you’re collecting. That done, people {rarely} invalidate their own data when you use it to ask them to consider a change.”

In her new book (her 46th book, actually!), What More Can I Say: Why Communication Fails and What to Do About It, Ms. Booher provides a wonderful example of a mom who did just that with her teenaged son and his choice of cars:

“I recently overheard a mother using a series of questions to lead her sixteen-year-old-son to trade in an older-model sport car for a newer sedan, not quite the model the teen had in mind:

“‘What kind of gas mileage do you get in the sports car? What kind of mileage does the Kelley Blue Book estimate for the sedan? So, at the current price of gas, how much would you save on gas per year with the newer car? If you sold your used sports car and invested that money until graduation, plus the gas money you’d save between now and graduation, how much money would you have to buy a brand-new car for college?'”

“The teen opted to save for the newer car at graduation.”

Whether you’re leading a huge team, a small committee, or…a child, if your goal is to elicit the other person to willingly commit and buy-in to your request, rather than to make them grudgingly comply (and, we all know how that usually works out), then you need to help them see why it is in their best interest to do so.

And, as is usually the case, questions are the answer.

Want to Influence? Don’t Deny Human Nature

Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

Want to Influence? Don’t Deny Human Nature - Bob BurgLast post we saw that to attain a desired outcome you must first see the situation as it is, not as you wish it were.

Not to be confused with a lack of vision, it’s simply understanding that in order to manifest that vision we must acknowledge current truths.

Want to design a device that flies despite physical universal laws such as…gravity? Then, first understand and accept the laws of physics and how they operate. Only then can you work within those laws in order to create its opposite effect.

The same is true when dealing with those often-difficult beings known as…humans. :-)

In other words, the laws of human nature are just as true as the physical laws of nature.

Do you ever hear yourself thinking:

“He doesn’t care about the facts” … “She’s only looks at the price, not the quality” … “His ego is so big” … “She argues even when she knows she’s wrong.”

Or even,  “All he cares about is himself!”

The above are some of the effects of Human Nature. Different for different people, they deal with decision-making, emotion, ego, etc.

There are also some immutable Laws of Human Nature that apply to everyone. What I believe is the biggie of them all was eloquently summed up by Dale Carnegie in his classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People:

“Ultimately, people do things for their reasons; not our reasons.”

Even if those reasons don’t make sense to us! As we’ve discussed in previous posts, people will do what they believe will make them happy, as they understand happiness and within the available options they believe they have.

And that is the overriding Law of Human Nature that only after one understands and accepts can they ever be an effective influencer.

When you embrace that law and work within it in such a way that you help the other person achieve their reason, you’ll find yourself to be one of the most powerful and influential people you know.

Great influencers don’t waste their time wishing people were different or that human nature wasn’t what it is, but rather work within the laws of human nature to benefit everyone involved.


Do you live in South Florida? If so, you won’t want to miss this powerful, interactive, One-Day Ultimate Influence™ Mastery Intensive on Wednesday, October 1st. In this fun, but very intense day-long session, I’m going to work with just 50 people max so we can keep it personal and interactive.

Lead better, sell more, negotiate powerfully, have stronger relationships with friends, family members, coworkers and associates. Create the environment where people are much more likely to buy into you and your ideas.  If this sounds like something that could make a powerful difference in your life, visit www.Ultimate-Influence.com.

If you have additional questions, we have arranged a brief Q & A call for Thursday, September 18th. You can register for it here: http://bit.ly/1y7UgYv

The Single Greatest “People Skill”

Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Single Greatest People SkillIf you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know I’m fascinated by the art and science of people skills. I even have a new book coming out that focuses on this topic. Of course, classics from Dale Carnegie and Les Giblin established a bar that is hard to beat.

The best I’ve ever seen in this regard, however, is my Dad. Again, no surprise to anyone who knows me.

And, while he never told me this directly, what I learned simply from watching him in his interactions with clients, family members, friends, waitpersons, anyone and everyone he met, is that:

The single greatest ‘people skill’ is a highly developed and authentic interest
in the other person.

People can tell. They know — maybe consciously, perhaps unconsciously — if you are truly interested in them or just fakin’ it in order to manipulate or “get something” from them.

When you are genuinely interested in them and in making them feel good about themselves, they are much more likely to respond to you in a positive way. I’ve seen that in my Dad since I’ve known him (and, that’s a pretty long time now). :-)

Of course, there’s lots more to being a master of people skills. But, if you want a really, really good start, simply be genuinely and authentically interested in them!

Genuine interest in the other person…it might just be the single greatest “people skill” there is.


Just a couple more weeks until my new book, Adversaries into Allies is released. Would you like a sneak peek? Visit www.AdversariesintoAllies.com. While there, be sure and get your free chapter. Please let me know what you think?

Compliance, Commitment, Values, And…Dondi

Friday, May 10th, 2013

Dondi Scumaci

“Compliance will never take you,
where commitment can go.”
~ Dondi Scumaci

As posted previously, I love that saying (what I call, a “Dondi-ism”) :-) by my great friend and mentor, Dondi Scumaci.

It reminds me that, as leaders and influencers, we always need to ask ourselves where our focus is and who it is on.

As Dale Carnegie taught us in his classic, How to Win Friends And Influence People, “Ultimately, people do things for THEIR reasons; not our reasons.”

So, in terms of the goal we are leading people to, is our focus on ourselves, or on them?…In other words, how does our goal align with THEIR goals; THEIR wants, THEIR needs, THEIR desires? And, with THEIR values?

When we question ourselves like this – intelligently, and with a genuine, authentic desire to build them – we’ve come a long way toward earning the commitment that Dondi wrote about.

Just my thoughts. What about yours?

The Need to “Get Inside Their Head”

Friday, February 24th, 2012

So often, when we hear someone talk about “getting inside someone’s head” it’s meant as a way to manipulate and control. Athletes use this phrase a lot. They know that if they can get inside their opponent’s head — have them bothered, confused, intimidated, etc. — they can “throw them off their game” and make them far less effective.

I love watching “Patrick Jane” on The Mentalist get inside his suspects’ heads in order to get them to involuntarily give themselves away. Come to think of it, “Lieutenant Columbo”, via his, “Oh, just one more thing” used to do the same to his suspects.

But, in the awesome book, Taking People With You: The Only Way to Make Big Things Happen, YUM! Brands Chairman & CEO, David Novak approaches this totally differently and benevolently. He believes that only by getting into the heads of those you want to take with you can you understand their needs and desires.

And, when thinking about it, not only is it true; it is perhaps the only way one can effectively lead and influence others.

When he says “get inside their head” he means determining what it is they desire, and how doing what you’re asking them to do fits into — and aligns with — their values. This goes right back to Dale Carnegie’s admonition that “people do things for their reasons, not our reasons.”

If you want to influence and lead, and bring out the best in the individuals on your team (or anyone else you must influence in the process of accomplishing your goal or mission), you’ll need to focus on how it affects them.

One important point Mr. Novak brought up is also being interested enough to learn what fears they might have that could possibly keep them from buying into your ideas.

So, yes…when done with a true sense of caring about the other person, getting inside a person’s head can be one of the most benevolent and effective methods of bringing people along with you and helping them realize their great potential.

How do you do in this regard? Who are the great influencers in your life who seems to have this knack for understanding what drives others and even what holds them back? Can you duplicate their thought process?


If you’d like to listen to my chat with David in which he shared numerous, hard-hitting and valuable ideas from his new book, click on http://bit.ly/ytSKI3

Have you registered yet for “The Go-Giver Retreat” to be held in Sunny South Florida? Find out who the world-class presenters will be, and what they’ll be sharing with us.