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Posts Tagged ‘Dale Carnegie’

The Single Greatest “People Skill”

Sunday, October 13th, 2013

Single Greatest People SkillIf you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know I’m fascinated by the art and science of people skills. I even have a new book coming out that focuses on this topic. Of course, classics from Dale Carnegie and Les Giblin established a bar that is hard to beat.

The best I’ve ever seen in this regard, however, is my Dad. Again, no surprise to anyone who knows me.

And, while he never told me this directly, what I learned simply from watching him in his interactions with clients, family members, friends, waitpersons, anyone and everyone he met, is that:

The single greatest ‘people skill’ is a highly developed and authentic interest
in the other person.

People can tell. They know — maybe consciously, perhaps unconsciously — if you are truly interested in them or just fakin’ it in order to manipulate or “get something” from them.

When you are genuinely interested in them and in making them feel good about themselves, they are much more likely to respond to you in a positive way. I’ve seen that in my Dad since I’ve known him (and, that’s a pretty long time now). :-)

Of course, there’s lots more to being a master of people skills. But, if you want a really, really good start, simply be genuinely and authentically interested in them!

Genuine interest in the other person…it might just be the single greatest “people skill” there is.


Just a couple more weeks until my new book, Adversaries into Allies is released. Would you like a sneak peek? Visit www.AdversariesintoAllies.com. While there, be sure and get your free chapter. Please let me know what you think?

Compliance, Commitment, Values, And…Dondi

Friday, May 10th, 2013

Dondi Scumaci

“Compliance will never take you,
where commitment can go.”
~ Dondi Scumaci

As posted previously, I love that saying (what I call, a “Dondi-ism”) :-) by my great friend and mentor, Dondi Scumaci.

It reminds me that, as leaders and influencers, we always need to ask ourselves where our focus is and who it is on.

As Dale Carnegie taught us in his classic, How to Win Friends And Influence People, “Ultimately, people do things for THEIR reasons; not our reasons.”

So, in terms of the goal we are leading people to, is our focus on ourselves, or on them?…In other words, how does our goal align with THEIR goals; THEIR wants, THEIR needs, THEIR desires? And, with THEIR values?

When we question ourselves like this – intelligently, and with a genuine, authentic desire to build them – we’ve come a long way toward earning the commitment that Dondi wrote about.

Just my thoughts. What about yours?

The Need to “Get Inside Their Head”

Friday, February 24th, 2012

So often, when we hear someone talk about “getting inside someone’s head” it’s meant as a way to manipulate and control. Athletes use this phrase a lot. They know that if they can get inside their opponent’s head — have them bothered, confused, intimidated, etc. — they can “throw them off their game” and make them far less effective.

I love watching “Patrick Jane” on The Mentalist get inside his suspects’ heads in order to get them to involuntarily give themselves away. Come to think of it, “Lieutenant Columbo”, via his, “Oh, just one more thing” used to do the same to his suspects.

But, in the awesome book, Taking People With You: The Only Way to Make Big Things Happen, YUM! Brands Chairman & CEO, David Novak approaches this totally differently and benevolently. He believes that only by getting into the heads of those you want to take with you can you understand their needs and desires.

And, when thinking about it, not only is it true; it is perhaps the only way one can effectively lead and influence others.

When he says “get inside their head” he means determining what it is they desire, and how doing what you’re asking them to do fits into — and aligns with — their values. This goes right back to Dale Carnegie’s admonition that “people do things for their reasons, not our reasons.”

If you want to influence and lead, and bring out the best in the individuals on your team (or anyone else you must influence in the process of accomplishing your goal or mission), you’ll need to focus on how it affects them.

One important point Mr. Novak brought up is also being interested enough to learn what fears they might have that could possibly keep them from buying into your ideas.

So, yes…when done with a true sense of caring about the other person, getting inside a person’s head can be one of the most benevolent and effective methods of bringing people along with you and helping them realize their great potential.

How do you do in this regard? Who are the great influencers in your life who seems to have this knack for understanding what drives others and even what holds them back? Can you duplicate their thought process?


If you’d like to listen to my chat with David in which he shared numerous, hard-hitting and valuable ideas from his new book, click on http://bit.ly/ytSKI3

Have you registered yet for “The Go-Giver Retreat” to be held in Sunny South Florida? Find out who the world-class presenters will be, and what they’ll be sharing with us.