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We know that "how" we say something is even more important than "what"
we say. However, sometimes it's difficult for a person who's experienced
oppression to see the difference; especially in writing. Any "principle"
or "Universal Law" can be used either for good or evil. In this article,
you'll see how this might play out and what we can do to further our
understanding of this issue. -----------------------
Question: Barbara from Washington writes, "Bob, I was
disappointed to find you recommend the much-overused,
hackneyed lead-in statements, 'Correct me if I'm wrong
. . . or, 'I don't understand . . . or, 'Could you clarify
something for me...?'
{http://www.burg.com/disagreeandwin.html}
"I've learned from personal experience that these phrases can
be used as tools of intimidation and condescension. I once
had the unfortunate experience to work under the supervision
of a controlling individual who made these words her tools of
terror. All ways had to be HER ways. If anyone disagreed with
her, she relentlessly tormented her detractor with a constant
barrage of questions until, weakened and demoralized, the person
surrendered to her will.
"I still bear the scars as do many others. Sometimes the tools
that should provide us the ability to 'Win Without
Intimidation' can be twisted into weapons in the hands of a
morally deficient individual. There must be some other
strategies you could suggest that would achieve the intended
results without resorting to these often misused phrases. Your
response?" -----------------------
Phrased with Kindness or Condescension?
By Bob Burg
Thank you so much for writing. And, you are right - the tools
that provide us with the ability to "Win Without Intimidation"
can, instead be used in negative, manipulative ways, depending
upon the person.
I'm wondering if perhaps, because the person with whom you had
difficulty used these words, phrases and similar jargon, that
possibly you are seeing the "words and phrases" themselves as
the problem, as opposed to the person who used them. And, very
understandably, perhaps this caused a negative association for
you with that particular method of Winning Without Intimidation.
I would take your insightful comment even a step further, and
that is to say that ANY of the tools of Winning Without Intimidation,
if used for the purpose of control or manipulation, could certainly
be used in that way, and that is very unfortunate.
That's why I try as best I can to get across in my articles that it is
not just the methods, but the attitude of win/win, and using these
methods correctly, that is most important. Does that make sense?
If you'll go back and re-read the article {Link to article 42}, I
believe you'll find that the manner in which those terms were phrased were
intended to achieve understanding in a kind way; one that would allow
the other person to come to a certain conclusion without having to
feel defensive, hurt or offended.
Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals:
Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without
Intimidation and The Success Formula.
He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone
can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to
http:www.burg.com , then click on the
link to his online store.
Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can
subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.
Burg Communications, Inc.
PO Box 7002
Jupiter, FL 33468-7002
(800) 726-3667
bob@burg.com
Copyright 1998 Burg Communications, Inc.
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