It's true: The way we say something; our attitude, the respect level we show, and our tone of voice often has much more of an impact on the other person than we can even imagine.

Example:

Sitting at the restaurant counter for breakfast, I noticed the waitress possessed one of the most unusual foreign accents I'd ever heard. It was very nice, just different. In fact, I could hear the couple next to me trying to figure out its origin, as was I.

When she came back over to our general area I said, "Excuse me, that's a lovely accent you have. Where are you from originally?" With a great big smile she thanked me, answered me . . . and added that a lot of people seem to enjoy her accent.

As she walked away, the husband of the couple next to me said to his wife, "Now that's how you ask a person something."

I believe he was saying that taking a moment to phrase a question nicely - with kindness and respect - makes a big difference in getting what we want and need from people. Not that she wouldn't have answered my question anyway, but this principle works across the board, regardless of the person and the situation. Of course, we simply call it WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION.

You can imagine the special service, attention and smiles I received from the waitress for the remainder of the meal, although that certainly wasn't my point in asking her the proper way.

One of my original mentors within the National Speakers Association, Glenna Salisbury, relates a cute story that truly illustrates the fact that what you say isn't nearly as important as how you say it.

Glenna tells of a high school English teacher who'd worked hard all year helping an Asian transfer student learn the English language. Understandably, he was very appreciative.

On the final day of school, the teacher walked into her classroom and on her desk was a single yellow rose. Next to it was a note written by the young student. It read, "Dear Teacher, one day this rose will fade and die, but you will 'smell' forever!"

The words may not have been exactly right, but do you think she felt insulted or complimented? Of course, she was delighted because of the intention.

Interesting isn't it? . . . Our pets know what we mean by the way, tone and manner we talk to them. And you know that children are excellent when it comes to picking up the true feelings and intent being communicated. Isn't it safe to say your spouse, significant other, prospects, friends, and anyone else whom you may need to win over, can sense the very same thing?

Yes, it that age-old saying really is true: "It isn't what we say, but how we say it" that counts.

Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula.

He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to http:www.burg.com , then click on the link to his online store. Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.