The following letter from Kay is in response to a recent column {http://www.burg.com/kindcaringforgetful.html} where Janet asked for suggestions regarding her significant other. According to Janet, as wonderful a person as he is, he doesn't put a lot of stock in dates/occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc. In fact, he usually forgets them, which upsets her.

Kay wrote with another perspective. I thought it was interesting. Note her P.S. at the conclusion, as well.

Here's Kay:

"I feel compelled to share my experiences with a significant other very similar to Janet's. In the four years we've been together, Alex has never remembered a holiday, birthday (even his own), or other special event. Nor has he given me, or anyone else, a present for any of these events. Sounds like a real insensitive beast, doesn't he? Now, let me tell you what he DOES for me and the people he cares about.

"He drops the kids off at two different schools and takes me to work each morning. He also picks us all up at different times every night. He provides taxi service to any one of us who needs it. He cleans the cat litter boxes. He takes the cats to the vet and pays the bills. He waters the lawn - and my rose bushes without being asked.

"He repairs whatever needs to be fixed around the house - including my car. He takes out the trash. He cleans the back yard. He paid his sister's bills when she was out of work and had creditor's hounding her. He helped his brother move cross- country (more than once). He takes me out to dinner whenever he can.

"He treats the kids to lunch and dinner often. He was a great source of support and comfort when I was faced with the difficult decision of placing my mother in a nursing home. He helped me clear out her house and ready it for sale - never receiving a penny for any of his hard work. He saved my life when I went into anaphylactic shock and stopped breathing.

"The list could go on and on, but you get the idea. Each day he gives me the gift of himself and his kindness. There's no better gift anyone can give or receive. I celebrate the fact that I have someone so good in my life and would never make him feel bad about not remembering a 'special day.' With him in my life, every day is a 'special day.'"

Kay

"P.S. Sometimes we learn through tough experiences what really is important in life. I did. I was once married to a seemingly charming, handsome fellow who never forgot a birthday or anniversary. The rest of the time he was abusive and domineering."

Thank you for sharing Kay. I think both you and Alex are very fortunate.

By the way, in the article to which you responded, I mentioned the book, "Five Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman (http://www.amazon.com ), which looks at the different ways in which people give and receive love in accordance to their personal belief systems. In the previous article and in this one we saw two different love languages ("gifts" and "acts of service") expressed.

When you read the book it will really pull this topic together and show that one way we get into relationship trouble is assuming that our love language is the other person's as well. - Bob

Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula.

He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to http:www.burg.com , then click on the link to his online store. Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.