As human beings, we are all different, yet we are truly very much the same. Pretty much everyone wants to be happy, prosperous, healthy, enjoy a feeling of serenity, have happy relationships, etc.

When two people are trying to get what they want from each other, however, they usually see more differences than similarities. But when you can focus on, and bring up, the similarities, you are definitely a step closer to WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION.

Donald T. Phillips in his book, "Lincoln on Leadership", points out that Abraham Lincoln had deep personal differences with both his Secretary of War, Edwin Stanton, and his Secretary of State, William Seward.

As an example of what kind of man Lincoln was, he had hired each of them for their posts knowing the lack of appreciation and outright disrespect they both had for him.

Seward even blatantly tried to undermine the president and his decisions on a number of occasions. Neither of them believed that Lincoln was qualified and competent to lead the country through crisis. But, in Lincoln's mind, each was the best qualified man for the job, and so, he hired them.

That's a leader!

Lincoln not only looked for the good in both of them, but the similarities he had with them as well. He found there were many, including love for, and a deep commitment to, their country. He began spending more time getting to know each man and having them get to know him. He was able to turn them into two of his closest and most loyal allies.

That's a positive persuader!

One of the many quotes attributed to Mr. Lincoln that I've always enjoyed is, "I don't like that man very much..I'm going to have to get to know him better." And, one way he did that was to focus on finding the similarities (as opposed to the differences) and then communicating those similarities.

Let me emphasize the following, as it will be prove to be so effective for you in overcoming the differences:

When entering into a transaction with someone you're trying to gently persuade to your point of view, stretch your mind and imagination in order to focus on similarities and - very importantly - make the other person aware of them as well.

Not only will this help to establish rapport, it will also show you both where you actually have the same or similar goals and outcomes in mind. Once you can focus on those mutual goals, the individual challenges will begin to work themselves out naturally and automatically. Please practice this. You'll experience amazing results.

Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula.

He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to http:www.burg.com , then click on the link to his online store. Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.