“Feelings are self-justifying, with a set of perceptions and ‘proofs’ all their own.”
How true, isn’t it?
As human beings we tend to believe what we want to believe, based on our feelings. We then back up those emotion-based beliefs according to information congruent with what we want to believe in the first place. As for those pesky and inconvenient facts? Typically, they are pushed to the side so as not to interfere.
How very often do we see this in…others?
This is one reason why trying to “convince” (from the Latin, convincere meaning “to overcome”) someone with logic alone rarely works. When caught up in emotion, the person will unconsciously disregard any information that contradicts what they believe they already know and seek and accept only those info-bits in alignment with his/her emotional decision.
Before allowing themselves to consider another’s viewpoint, they must first “buy into” that person. Only then will their reactionary defense mechanism relax and they can be open to a new idea. Because they feel good (emotions), they will allow new information into their world.
We know we see this in others. But…”how often do we see this in ourselves?”
Do we need to first buy into the other person emotionally in order to accept the facts as they are — not necessarily as we’d like them to be? Or, are we able to stay conscious of our own unconscious desire to be right – and adjust our conclusions accordingly?
Anyone can be the first way. Those who are more personally and professionally effective and successful, constantly and consistently work on being the second way.
How do you do in this regard?