The smallest change in phraseology can make a big difference in how our ideas come across to another person.

Has anyone ever said to you, either while attempting to prove a point or during the sales process, “If I can prove to you that (such and such) will save you money…”?

And didn’t you sort of say to yourself, “This guy/gal isn’t going to prove anything to me!” I know I have. It’s human nature to resist when challenged.

Here’s a more effective way* to help someone be more receptive to your ideas:

Instead of saying, “If I can prove to you that this widget will be more cost-effective…” say,

“If you could prove to yourself that this widget will be more cost-effective…?”

Or, rather than, “If I could prove to you that this would be a more productive alternative…?” say,

“If you could prove to yourself that this would be a more productive alternative…?”

Now you’ve allowed that person to take ownership and prove something to herself. Remember, people don’t resist their own ideas.

Practice this enough so that when the situation arises, the correct way of phrasing your point will come out naturally.

After all, if you could prove to yourself that this idea would help you to more effectively persuade, wouldn’t you want to master it?

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*Credit for this idea goes to Zig Ziglar.

The saying is old. The saying is also true.

Each and every year, millions of 1⁄4-inch drill bits are sold, yet nobody buying any one of these 1⁄4-inch drill bits actually wants a 1⁄4-inch drill bit.

Then, why do they buy them? Because they want a 1⁄4-inch hole!

What’s my point, and what does this have to do with influence and persuasion?

People do things/buy things, not for the thing itself, but for the benefit that doing/buying the thing brings them.

What makes this challenging is that those reasons are not always obvious. And, without knowing what they are, the chances of their taking the desired action are considerably lower.

The key is to find out by asking the right questions. In sales, not everyone has the same buying motivation. Some base their decision on price, others on quality, and still others on style or convenience. Your job is to find out in order to help them get the 1⁄4-inch hole they want.

It is the same outside of sales; people act upon their own reasons, which are often different from ours. In order to influence, you must know what their 1⁄4-inch hole is. Not yours; theirs! Once you do that, you’re most of the way there. (Actually, about 3/4-inches there.)

Whether personal or business, how do you find yourself doing in terms of focusing on the 1/4-inch hole? Are you able to do that? Or, are you more often than not stuck on the drill bit? If so, what do you feel would be a good step in the right direction?

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Quick note: I’m just about to head to the airport to speak on “Endless Referrals: The Go-Giver Way” in Chesapeake Beach, MD on Thursday. I most likely won’t be back online until Thursday night, so please don’t think I’m ignoring your comments.

Feel free to download Chapters One and Two of John David Mann’s and my new book, It’s Not About You. It will officially be released September 20th, however you may pre-order, if you’d like.

Here’s a simple telephone tip that will always work for you. I learned this many years ago from telephone sales authority, David Allan Yoho. Are you ready?

Hang up last.

Isn’t it a lousy feeling when just a nanosecond after saying good-bye to someone, you hear that impersonal click? And, even if you don’t find it annoying, many people do.

More than just annoying, it gives most people the feeling that, “Hey, that person really wanted to get off the phone with me. I wonder why. Am I just another sale or number to them?”

To ensure that this doesn’t happen, make sure you give the other person time to hang up the phone first. If you feel that person, for whatever reason, is waiting for you to hang up first, just wait a few seconds and then gently, carefully, hang up the phone.

This takes practice to become a habit. In the years when I had an office outside my home and a small staff, I always let them know how important this was. I also found it was often necessary to remind them to make it a habit.

If I was walking past someone’s desk and heard him hang up quickly after saying goodbye, I questioned him about it. He might respond, “Oh, I was just talking to a friend, someone I know really well.”

“Doesn’t matter,” I would reply. “What we do as a bad habit in one context, we’ll tend to do all the time.” As T. Harv Eker says, “how you do anything is how you do everything.”

To make sure we get the full advantage of Dave’s helpful tip, we have to completely replace that old habit with this new and more positive habit.

It makes a difference.

Not only is empathy a vitally important part of the selling process; it is also a vitally important part of the human process. This is true whether trying to understand why someone is resistant to our viewpoint or if we are simply attempting to help them through an issue or difficult time.

I believe that in any relationship — business or personal — empathy is a key differentiator between the successful and the unsuccessful. Those who have the talent and skill; both at having empathy and being able to communicate empathy are at a huge advantage over those who don’t.

Dictionary.com defines Empathy as “the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.” Being a simple fellow, I just say it is really nothing more than — as the saying goes — putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.

If we have similarities in experience, we might actually be able to really identify; to know what and/or how they are feeling.

But, what if that is not the case? Let’s face it; there are times when not only do we not know exactly how they feel…we have absolutely no idea how they feel!

Yet, we can still be empathetic. You see, empathy doesn’t necessarily mean you actually feel what the other person feels. The truth is, you might not. It does mean you communicate that you understand they are feeling … something.

When someone with true empathy listens…the other person feels truly heard. And feeling heard is what often makes the difference.

In a Facebook discussion, I suggested that I even think we can feel (or at least identify with) a similar emotion even if we don’t know exactly what/how they are feeling, and that’s what communicates to them that we care. In response, Pastor Tom Sims wrote, “there is always something inside of us, some memory of personal pain or struggle that unites us in a common humanity and enables us to relate in compassion.” WOW!

And, if that wasn’t an exquisite enough thought, Pamela McBride followed that up by saying,  “Compassion is only a heart beat away when we tap into our own struggles.”

Indeed!

Oh, have I ever mentioned that I have the world’s coolest friends and readers?

In a recent tweet, salesman extraordinaire (currently speaker and multi-bestselling author), Joe Girard wrote:

“More things are bought through emotion than through logic. What are you doing to make your customer comfortable?”

What a great statement and question. And, Joe Girard should know. For 12 years in a row, he was listed in the Guiness Book of World Records as the “Greatest Salesman in the World” in terms of number of new car sales. And, we’re not talking fleet sales, but individual new cars!

He did this through relationship building second to none (literally, “Second to none!”)

In this article, let’s look at the question part of his tweet. What are we doing to make our customers/prospects comfortable?

Upon their visit, how are they being greeted? Remember, your receptionist is not only their initial contact but their first emotional connection! Does he or she make them feel welcome and comfortable, or as though they are an interruption?

When you greet them, do you have a genuine, authentic, warm smile that makes them feel … comfortable?

When you sit down with them, do you take the time to establish and develop rapport in order to make them comfortable with you? Remember, all things being equal, people will do business with, and refer business to, those people they know, like and trust.” In other words…they must buy YOU before they buy what you are selling.

During your presentation are you empathetic to their concerns and feelings? Remember, you know more about your product or service than they do, and the process that takes them through the sale. If they are feeling defensive based on their own perceived ignorance, the chances are not good that they will buy. And, even if they do, under those circumstances they will not feel good about the sale.

And, are you edifying your team so that your prospects feel comfortable in dealing with anyone and everyone in your company? This is also so important.

Whether your prospects and customers are comfortable or not is up to you. What do you do to ensure they are? Please share your thoughts and experiences with us, both as the seller and the buyer.