"But I don't see how you can really compliment someone on a quality they totally lack. First, I would find it very hard to appear sincere. And secondly, even if the person doesn't realize he completely lacks that quality, wouldn't he be likely to realize that he's not great at it?"

Michele, thank you for your question. I appreciate your thoughts regarding the fact that you know yourself well enough to know you've got to really believe something in order to say it. And, while that quality is admirable, tact and kindness also goes a long way. As I once saw on an I Love Lucy rerun, if a person's hairstyle reminds you of something you saw in a nightmare, it's best to tell them it was in a "dream." :-)

Please allow me to answer the second part of your question first. You asked, "even if the person doesn't realize he completely lacks that quality, wouldn't he be likely to realize that he's not great at it?"

Actually, what's interesting about human nature is that if you give someone a trait to live up to, often, they will take on the quality you have given them. People (and I include myself) want so much to feel good about themselves - if you tell them they're good at something they're not, well . . . they might just believe you (again, I include myself).

Of course, it's up to you to find a way to make it believable. For example, if someone were to tell me I am a technical wizard, I would definitely have a challenge believing them.

Be creative, be uplifting, be encouraging. Find a "seed" of what it is you are building them to believe about (and in) themselves, and build from there. And, remember Churchill's great quote, "I've always found the best way to get another to acquire a virtue, is to impute it to them."

In answer to your fears as to whether you could come off as sincere - well, Michele, typically, you'll be just fine if what you're doing is genuinely to help the other person as well as yourself. On the other hand, each of us find some things in life easier to do than other things.

If you have feelings that the above is not one of your strengths, then your feelings need not (and must not!) be discounted. May I suggest, instead, that you work on that very skill? Here's how:

Find a trait or characteristic in somebody in which they are presently not proficient, but would probably like to be, and empower them. Do this by seeing what is not yet there, finding the seed - ven if you have to really use your imagination - and then helping that seed grow into a beautiful aspect of their personality. Best of success to you.

Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula.

He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to http:www.burg.com , then click on the link to his online store. Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.