In a recent post by Certified Go-Giver Coach, Linda Ryan, she suggested some great ideas for bringing yourself out of an emotional funk.

One of her readers wrote, “Why not just decide to be happy?”

It was an excellent question. And, knowing the reader personally, I know he is a successful business person with a great attitude and, I assume, happy, as well.

And, while there are those who really can simply make that decision and…be happy, that is not true for everyone; at least within their present life model.

For example, let’s take a person who has grown up in a family where they were taught life is miserable and all you can do is your best to survive. And, that happiness is not a natural state but simply something that only some lucky people have.

And, now, they are learning that is not necessarily the case. They are reading good books, listening to positive audios and ready to make a change based on this new information.

But, they’re still learning.

If that’s the case, he or she might need some “tools” that help them to apply that decision. Sometimes, just taking a personal accounting of all one is grateful for is enough to do it. And, sometimes, because life can really get us down, it’s important to — as Linda suggested — prepare in advance with that “bag of tricks.”

Of course, I totally agree with the reader that the first step is to simply make that decision! At the same time, don’t hesitate to use whatever “tools” you need to make it happen.

What do you think?

There are certainly times when — as a leader, coach or mentor — when someone comes to you with a problem or concern, it is indeed your job to solve it. However, such a situation is much more rare than the need to listen. To just listen.

In his book, It’s Not About The Coffee, Retired Starbucks President, Howard Behar (with Janet Goldstein) writes about a term he calls “Compassionate emptiness.” He says this concept — based on the teaching of Western Buddhist teacher, Joseph Goldstein — asks us to be caring but empty of opinions.

In other words, rather than trying to solve, we simply listen.

As Behar explains:

“Think about what happens when somebody comes into your office with a problem — whether work or personal. The tendency is to want to solve it. But most of the time, people aren’t asking for help, they’re asking to be heard. And most of the time, you shouldn’t be solving the problem anyway.

“There’s a way to help people move through their concerns without owning them yourself. That’s compassionate emptiness. It’s full of compassion but empty of solutions. It’s very difficult to do.

“Yet, if you are able to grasp and harness lessons of compassionate emptiness, they will be your guide to listening and communicating in a new and profound way.”

Personally, this has always been difficult for me. By my very nature, I’m a problem-solver. Thus, when someone approaches me with a problem, my inclination is to go right into solution-mode rather than to listen; to just listen.

I’m getting a lot better at having “compassionate emptiness” (though until now I didn’t have a name for it) with a long way still to go. As I’ve become better at this, however, I’ve noticed my level of effectiveness in helping others has increased. I’ve had to practice it a lot though.

How about you? Are you able to listen without problem-solving? What have you found to be a good way to practice and improve this very effective skill?

While at Dunkin’ Donuts reading a book on Starbucks (gotta’ love those kinds of things) I came across a very wise saying.

The book, It’s Not About The Coffee by retired company President, Howard Behar with Janet Goldstein, quoted from Dr. Ken Blanchard and Spencer Johnson’s classic, The One Minute Manager – one of my favorites from many years ago – which said:

“People who feel good about themselves produce good results.”

Unfortunately, there will be those who interpret this to mean that leadership needs to apply some touchy-feely psycho-babble when dealing with their employees.

I don’t interpret it that way, at all. In my opinion, the most effective leaders do their best to understand their team members’ personal goals and motivations. They ask themselves, “How does what I’m asking them to do align with their goals, needs, wants and desires? How does it align with their values?”

Obviously, the leader of a huge organization cannot possibly know the answer to these questions for more than a relatively small number of people. However, since leadership begins at the top and flows down throughout the organization, the top leader can create the environment where his or her leaders throughout the organization do their best in this regard.

Is it easy to do? Of course not. That’s why some companies, like Starbucks, Southwest Airlines and others reach huge levels of success and others don’t.

Now, if those on your team generally don’t feel good about themselves, the work they are doing, and the company they are part of, will they still do their work? Sure, as long as they want the paycheck. Will they do their best work possible? Probably not.

To the degree they feel good about themselves, a valuable (and valued) member of the team, and part of something bigger than themselves, that is the degree they will most likely be productive and of greater value to your company.

Makes sense, doesn’t it? It really isn’t rocket science. Then again, to paraphrase Behar and Goldstein from their book, rocket science isn’t nearly as difficult as social science… understanding the human condition.

Have you ever worked with a leader who had a knack for creating an atmosphere where his or her team members felt good about themselves? Did it show up in commitment, production and profitability?

Okay, just one more post (at least for now) about one of my newest leadership heroes.

Last post we looked at wisdom from YUM! Brands Chairman and CEO, David Novak. In his great book, Taking People With You: The Only Way to Make Big Things Happen he discussed the importance of “Getting Inside The Heads” of those you wish to influence. In other words, it’s not enough for you to want or desire a goal, you must know what motivates and drives the people you wish to take with you. This, via genuine interest and caring regarding their needs, wants, goals and desires.

And, as important as this understanding is, it’s not enough. Why? Because one error can render you ideas nearly useless. According to Mr. Novak:

“One of the biggest mistakes leaders make is not thinking through all the people
they have to lead to get where they want to go.”

He says that a key question to ask yourself has to do with who you need to affect, influence or take with you in order to be successful. As a former marketing executive, he compares this to a marketer trying to identify potential customers. And he believes that must be a key area of your focus.

As examples of those others, he includes: “your boss, your coworkers, people on your team, people from other departments whose help you’ll need, or even people from outside your organization, such as shareholders, vendors, customers, or business partners.”

Terrific point! It reminds me of a leadership failure or two of mine where I’m pretty sure I persuaded those I attempted to persuade but left out key “needed people” from whom I never even tried to obtain “buy-in.” This wasn’t intentional; it was more a matter of not thinking things through and considering all the people whose commitment I would need.

It was a painful lesson but one from which I grew. When I read it in Mr. Novak’s book, it immediately brought back painful lessons, but ones I certainly needed to experience in order to grow. Or, maybe I’d have been better off reading about it instead. If there’s one thing better than learning from our own painful experience, it’s learning from someone else’s wisdom (which, most likely, was based on their own painful experience).

What do you see as a good methodology to make sure we dot all our i’s and cross all the t’s in this regard?

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If you’d like to listen to my chat with David in which he shared numerous, hard-hitting and valuable ideas from his new book, click on http://bit.ly/ytSKI3

Have you registered yet for “The Go-Giver Retreat” to be held in Sunny South Florida? Find out who our  world-class presenters will be, and what they’ll be sharing with us. AND, scroll down the page and see the exciting bonus being provided by Sally Hogshead when you register!

You know who fascinates me?

Sally Hogshead!

No, not because of her awesome name, which seems just made for branding (which she’ll tell us about during our discussion) but because she shows us how to utilize our natural strengths in order to be fascinating to others.

And, if you’re going to succeed in business…you must fascinate those who would do business with you. As Sally says:

“It’s not enough to be the best, if nobody notices or cares.”

When you fascinate, you stand out from the masses, who typically do not fascinate…which is why they are part of “the masses.”

Her book was captivating, showing me certain things I do wrong and — just as importantly — how to do them correctly. Her instruction and teaching can help you to do the same.

So, join us for this chat. I have a feeling she’ll “fascinate” you as much as she fascinates me!

HowToFascinate.com

Sally will be one of our featured presenters at our upcoming, “The Go-Giver Retreat.” Visit www.TheGoGiverRetreat.com so you can join us and be fascinated by her, as well!

NOTE: If you are having trouble playing the interview, please make sure Adobe Flash Player is installed in your web browser. If not, then download Flash Player. Or right-click here and select “Save Link As…” to download the audio file to your computer.