There’s no logical reason why this particular post should be so difficult for me to write. After all, I’m simply announcing something that brings me great joy; the official release of my awesome coauthor, John David Mann’s and my new book, Go-Givers Sell More.

The difficulty has nothing to do with announcing the release. Rather, it’s in trying to adequately express my appreciation to all of you who – knowing our goal is for the book to debut on the major bestsellers lists – have amazingly taken it upon yourselves to promote it to those in your spheres of influence and constantly cheer us on with your encouragement.

Yes, the numbers have been great thus far. As of this post, the book is ranked #140 overall (#7 in Professional, #27 in Business) on Amazon.com and even higher (#101) on Barnes&Noble.com.

Will it hit number One on either? Will it hit the major bestseller lists next week; our chief short-term goal? Who knows? We’re certainly giving it our best.

But that’s just part of the story.

Yes, the team behind this launch, including our amazing publisher, Penguin/Portfolio with Adrienne Schultz, Maureen Cole, Brooke Carey, Nick Owen are phenomenal.

Our book-marketing mastermind, Thom Scott has certainly engineered still another amazing book launch. And, Kathy Zader has jumped through the hoops of technology to get everything working properly.

But, it’s YOU we ALL thank. Because it’s you, our partners on Team Go-Giver who are making this campaign and launch what it is. Your friendship, support, sharing and encouragement have been the “X” Factor. And, we know that; we thank you for it.

Thus, my big problem here is simply:

How do I adequately express  just how grateful I am to you?

I can’t.  So, let me simply say “Thank you”…and ask you to please multiply that as much as you can possibly imagine. It still won’t cover the extent of my gratitude, but it will be a good start.

I’ll never forget – as a young television reporter in 1982 for ABC affiliate KTEN TV in Ada, Oklahoma – first hearing about the Tylenol Murders. Somehow, numerous bottles of Extra-Strength Tylenol had been poisoned. At first, the scare (understandably) caused a nosedive in sales. However, the expert, amazingly-transparent manner in which it was handled by Johnson & Johnson leadership not only stopped the sales hemorrhage, but actually resulted in in the company’s consumer trust level going sky high, which has continued to this day.

Unfortunately, not all companies – even those with a proven track record of quality – handle every situation so well.

My great friend, Libby Gill, former Branding Brain for the Dr. Phil Show and author of three excellent books, shares with us her thoughts about one company that fell short of the mark:

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“As former PR chief and spokesperson for Sony, Universal and Turner Broadcasting, I did my fair share of spin doctoring and damage control with the press. So I’ve been watching Toyota’s media circus regarding the “sudden acceleration” in the Camry, Prius and Lexus like a hawk.

“Now that Toyota’s CEO has issued a public apology, it looks like they’re on the way to digging out of the negative press.  They’re a good company with a strong track record, so I have no doubt they’ll eventually recover.  But they made a critical error that could have been avoided.  And it’s one that you should avoid at all costs.

“Instead of being proactive, Toyota was reactive.  They waited until the pressure was on – and 19 people had died – before they acknowledged their responsibility.  As the PR pro’s would say, they failed to get in front of the story.  Instead, they responded because they had to, not because they cared about their customers.  At least that’s the way it looks.

“The lesson for all of us, entrepreneurs and executives alike, is that it’s not just how you deal with a problem, but when you deal with it that counts.  If you make a mistake, you’ve got to step up, be accountable and fix it immediately.   In fact, it’s the immediacy with which you take corrective action that creates the perception of caring in the minds of your customers.

“Wanna know how your customers and clients perceive you?  Just click here and check out the Cool Tools section. You’ll find a great exercise to help you See Yourself as Others See You.”

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Libby Gill is an executive coach, international speaker and author of the bestselling You Unstuck: Mastering the New Rules of Risk-taking in Work and Life.  You can learn more about her and even join her coaching community.

In Part One, we met Michael J. Maher, a titan in the field of real estate sales. A hugely successful producer and leader, we saw that one of his major character traits was his  “other-focus.” His business card told the story:  “We’re not #1…YOU are.®”

But lest we think that is an anomaly, I assure you it is not. The fact is, most genuinely great leaders and top producers are very much like that. And, while they might be few and far between (after all, they are in that 1-5 percent), they’re also not hard to find. Other-Focused superstars in the business world are the rule. Are there exceptions to that rule? Certainly there are. But, that’s life; it has its exceptions. What we want to focus on is the general rule.

Which, brings up a question, “Could that genuine caring and focus on others really be the key determining factor between the average/good…and those at the very top?

Let’s look at the three Key areas where most would think the difference lay.

1. Belief in product/service, mission: That would seem to be the key, wouldn’t it? But, it isn’t. Many average and decent producers believe in what they are selling just as much as those at the top. Belief is important. It’s just not the determining factor.

2. Product Knowledge: Don’t the superstars know their products inside and out? Yes, they do. And, so do many of the average and good players. Again, important? Very! Just not that which makes the difference.

3. Sales Skills: Ahh, the mega salespeople absolutely study sales. They know the skills, methods, techniques, and everything in that genre, right? Right. And, you know what? So do many of the average and good sales people. Some even more-so than their counterparts who set sales records. Important? Yep. Determining factor? Nope.

Please don’t misunderstand; proficiency – extreme proficiency in all three of the above areas; belief, product knowledge and sales skills is extremely vital.

However, they’re merely the baseline. Like the baseball player who can hit, run and field, those are needed just to be invited into the game.

The difference; the x-factor; that which separates the top pros from the rest of the field is the focus. They are totally and wholeheartedly interested in and focused on the other person, and that person’s needs, wants and desires.

When it comes right down to it, the sales (and leadership) superstar understands this basic rule of sales:

“It isn’t about you; it’s about them.” Or, as Michael J. Maher summed it up so perfectly, “We’re not #1…YOU are.®”

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John David Mann’s and my new book, Go-Givers Sell More is available by clicking here. Order this week and receive several really cool bonuses. And, please pass along the link to anyone you feel might find it to be of value.

It was an honor to have coffee the other day (at Dunkin’ Donuts, of course) with a legend in the real estate profession.

I’d heard of Michael J. Maher but knew little about him. We had some mutual friends from Kansas City, which is where he lives.  Due to an intense work week in preparation of the release of John David Mann’s and my newest book, I wasn’t even able to make the 30 minute drive three towns up the road from me where he was speaking at a charity fundraising event. I felt terrible about that but knew I couldn’t be away for that long.

He found himself a car and drove down to meet me, after being stood up by the original person who had promised to drive him down.

Humble as can be, he was absolutely more interested in knowing about me and my work than he was in telling me about his. He asked genuinely inquisitive questions, and kindly shared his philosophy about business, those he works with, and the customers and clients he serves.

I found out from other people I spoke with afterward that he is one of real estate’s heavy hitters, a mega-producer who received over 500 referrals last year and accounted for 216 transactions!

This is in real estate, mind you; not exactly a booming industry these days. And all but three of those sales came by the traditional methods, no shortcuts.

I then heard an interview he did with my friend, Jim Sahnger. Easy to see why he’s so exceptional at what he does.

His business card has one statement on it that captures him and – as far as I’ve ever been able to tell – is the single biggest trait or characteristic that sets people like Michael apart from the rest of the pack. It said:

We’re not #1…YOU are. ®

In Part Two, we’ll dig a bit deeper into this one key factor and look at a few others that would seem to be more significant than they actually are.

In Part One we discussed the fact that often what most throws us off-balance in terms of a verbal attack is its suddenness; the surprise factor. If we’re not expecting it and not prepared, it can cause us to either lash back (react) or submissively take it without any type of response at all. Neither of those are productive.

A solution to this, then, is to practice and prepare. Visualize what something like this might look like and see yourself calmly responding in a way that disarms the person and the situation, and serves everyone involved, ensuring both parties come out a winner.

Now, let’s look at some language we can use within the response. I can tell you both from firsthand experience and the many people who’ve learned this from studying my “Winning Without Intimidation” audio series…this works!

A customer/friend/co-worker family member, whomever is in a bad mood and approaches you in an angry, challenging manner. They unleash a small verbal assault.  What do you do?

First, again, you respond by maintaining control of yourself and your emotions. Remain calm, take a deep breath and hear them out. Display interest in what they are saying, but show no emotion. When they finally pause, simply use these words:

“I…might possibly owe you an apology. I don’t know. Did I say or do something to offend you?”

There will now be several very long seconds of silence, as they realize the inappropriateness of their actions. More than likely they’ll answer, “No, I’m sorry, I’m just in a bad mood (or had a bad day, etc.).  I’m really sorry.”

Now you can let them know, “I understand. I’ve had those myself. Is there anything I can do to help?”

WOW – another case of taking that lemon, turning it into sweet lemonade and, without question, taking a potential enemy and turning them into a friend.

That’s strength!

You’re verbally assaulted, either by someone you know, or even the complaining customer you just met. And, you don’t handle it well; either shouting right back or simply taking it; only afterward realizing just the right response.

Yes, even while beginning to master the art of positive persuasion, we can still be “thrown off” when verbally attacked. The reason is simply the surprise itself. Let’s look at how to prepare for these attacks so the surprise factor will not be able to get the best of you. Then we’ll check out some specific language you can use to effectively diffuse the situation and bring it under control, and have  your antagonizer virtually eating out of your hands.

Brian from New Jersey writes, “I find I can be in a disagreement with someone and really use your methods to mutual advantage. That’s not the issue. My problem is when I’m verbally attacked right from the beginning. Someone comes at me and starts yelling at me, and I just react and blow my top. Then, of course, it goes downhill from there. Any advice?”

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Brian, the greatest thing about your question, and what I appreciate most about it, is your recognizing this as a challenge. Excellent first step. I’ve been there and can relate. Please know that once you master yourself in this area, you’ll be much more effective and productive, both for yourself and for others. There’ll be no stopping you!

Near the end of your question you said you “react” and blow your top. That’s right. Reacting will do that, which is why it’s much more productive to train yourself to “respond” instead.

So, how do you effectively handle a verbal attack, diffuse it, and turn the situation 180 degrees?

Two suggestions: First is to mentally rehearse a situation in which someone verbally attacks you. See yourself, in your mind’s eye, responding with calmness and serenity, completely in control of your own emotions and thus, in control of the situation. If you can do it in your mind, you can do it in a real-life situation.

Just as an astronaut training for a mission goes through numerous simulations before ever actually going into space, you’ll find rehearsing in your mind before the event ever takes place puts  you nine steps ahead of the game…in a ten-step game.

In the next article, we’ll see one example of how this mental rehearsal, plus the right words and attitude, can absolutely turn your attacker into your advocate.

We’ve all sat in a restaurant waiting for our order…and waiting and waiting and waiting; sometimes even when the meal is ready. In this article, let’s look at how to politely and effectively gain the attention of the waitperson, and in such a way that he or she will feel glad to serve you.

Marilyn writes: “Yesterday at lunchtime I was sitting at the counter of my local diner and sandwich shop. I could see my sandwich sitting on the counter for at least five minutes, maybe longer. The waitress was oblivious to it, since she was talking with her friend who just came into the restaurant to see her.  Here I am, rushed for time, and she’s talking away. I felt myself getting more and more irritated, yet I didn’t know what to say to get her attention in a way that wouldn’t seem overly aggressive. Do you have a suggestion?”

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Marilyn, I’m pretty sure we can all relate to your sense of frustration. As human beings, it bothers us that someone would be so inattentive while on the job (especially when it’s “we” to whom they are being so inattentive ). At the same time, you don’t want to offend them by “calling them out.” First, because you’re a nice person. Secondly, because you know that yelling at them will not get you any better service the next time.  In fact, if anything, the opposite will happen.

The easiest, most effective course of action is to simply get their attention with either a polite wave (or, if necessary, walk over to them) and, with a smile, humbly say, “I’m sorry, I know you’re busy – I can see my sandwich waiting over there for me, and I’m just a bit on a schedule. Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

This is one of those cases where how you say it is just as important as what you say.

The chances are better-than-great that he or she will apologize – often, even profusely –  and take great care of you from that point on.

By the way, you might have an almost irresistible urge to say to them, “I’m WAIIIIIIIIITING!” or “Hey you, have you ever heard of the website, “Move your rear end.com?”

Instead, handle it the way we discussed and you’ll both live happily ever after.

Have you done that yourself? How did it work for you?

In our previous post featuring the wisdom of Le Herron, the much-loved and very successful CEO of O.M. Scott & Sons over an 18 year period stretching from the mid 60’s to the early 80’s, we saw, through some quotes from his book, Making Your Company Human: Inspiring Others to Reach Their Potential that the leader who can put the interests of others ahead of themselves is the one who wins.

Of course, this assumes the leader is talented and knows how to apply those talents both to team-building and to the sales and marketing process.  Did Mr. Herron?

Well, during just a 10-year stretch of his tenure with Scott’s, the company’s sales increaed by 280% and its net income by some 560%. Scott’s growth in sales in the decade preceding their acquisition by ITT was only 50% and its growth in net income only 60%. Apparently, Mr. Herron was also well-qualified in the sales and marketing aspects of business.

The last post focused on on the internal, team aspect of leading a company through making it more human. This post will feature quotes highlighting some of his views on sales, marketing and effective positioning. And, we’ll see just how being more human fits here, as well:

“The genius of {our first two company leaders} was that they realized the issue wasn’t really selling grass seed. The consumer didn’t – and doesn’t – really want grass seed, or fertilizer, or a control product; what he wants is a lawn…they defined this company’s business not in terms of products, but in terms of results.”

“{Our founder}, O.M. Scott decided that our growth was to be based on a very fundamental principle; providing value to the customer…Dwight (his son and successor) believed in communicating it.”

“Paul Williams (a high-ranking Scotts veteran beginning in the 1920’s) understood that it was our ability to communicate what we could do for our customer that created our success.”

“Marketing is understanding what the customer’s needs are and communicating our solutions in ways that he can understand.”

“{They} had an uncompromising attitude toward the heart of our business – providing value to the customer, and communicating that value – no matter what lures there were toward easier but shorter-ranged gains.”

“{As innovators} we are really pioneers of new ideas…and before we can sell a new product, we usually have to sell the new idea that it’s based on…you have to understand it. And you have to help other people understand it.”

“Do your customers trust your company, your brand, or your product?” {Note from Bob: Mr. Herron’s point wasn’t that one was more desirable than another. Only that whatever the answer is, it must be understood.}

“Trust is generated by three elements: personal involvement of the purchaser, a sharing of knowledge, and a quality product bonded together by our two-way relationship with our customer.”

It’s hard to put a price tag on the value of consumer trust to today’s and tomorrow’s business. It’s a priceless ingredient, worth more to us than anything we could buy. Once we begin to take away from it…once we begin to lose the consumer’s trust by skimping on the quality of our response to him…we risk losing the greatest part of our success.”

“Trust can’t be bought. It can only be built, bit by bit, by all of us.”

Did some of Mr. Herron’s advice seem almost too…simple, logical and common-sensical? You can take the best-known books on marketing that are out there today (and many of them are terrific!); boil them down to their essence, and you’ll find the principles shared by Mr. Herron right in the middle of them.

Ahh, but we’re not through learning from him. Not yet.  When we hear from him next, we’ll look at a marketing strategy embraced whole-heartedly by their customers which turned out to be immensely profitable for the company.

If you’ve ever attended one of my live presentations or read any of my books (well, just about any of them), you know how much I value handwritten, personalized notes; especially after meeting someone for the first time, doing business with them, receiving a referral, etc.

That’s not to say emails aren’t great; I certainly send a lot of them. However, there’s a time and place for everything. And, in certain situations, practically nothing makes an impact like a handwritten note of appreciation.

My friend, Bob Sommers – “The Likeability Guy” -  a very popular speaker and consultant based in Hawaii blogged about a local business woman who sent he and his wife, Susan a letter about something (i.e., someone) very special to them.

Darbee Fisher, a Realtor with Keller Williams, knows how it’s done. Wow, does she! Note what was so special about her letter that provided meaning – and impact – even above and beyond. And then find a way to duplicate her idea.

Read Bob Sommers’ excellent blog post and please share with him – and with us – your thoughts.

In Part One we heard from a reader who did not feel right being nice to someone he found to be difficult because it felt phony to him. However, since the chances are that people such as he or she aren’t going to be nice to you first (which is what he felt should happen before returned those actions in-kind) the suggestion was that we can actually “act our way” into liking that person. From there, reaching out is easy. And, the results will be to turn this current or potential enemy into a friend.

This is not the exact same thing as positive expectation (where the focus is on them) but actually changing our thoughts about ourselves and our feelings.

So, back to developing the characteristic of feeling good about someone we really don’t like? The way to feel it is to first act it! While we say this in the title, we actually barely alluded to it in the previous article.

So, here’s the principle: “Action precedes feeling.”  It’s amazing how it works.

For example, a person is sad. Do they need to have a happy incident occur “to” them before they can be happy? No, it’s been proven that if you act happy, you will become happy. While many authors, including Marcy Shimoff, in her excellent book, Happy For No Reason explain exactly why and  how it works, including the effect within the brain, we don’t need to discuss that here. It’s just enough to know that it works.

Happiness is independent of external circumstances (which doesn’t mean there aren’t external circumstances that can legitimately cause sadness, but not as a general way of
being). Change your actions and you’ll change your emotions.

For example, smile really, really big – I mean, from “the inside out” – and just try to feel sad. Can’t do it.

If you’re feeling lazy and lethargic, straighten up, walk tall, walk fast, walk with purpose and energy, and that’s exactly how you’ll begin to feel.

So, in answer to the original question in Part One, Practice “feeling” good about a difficult person by “acting” good towards that difficult person. Yes, at first it is an act. That’s okay. Perfectly acceptable. Then, when the person picks up on your action and relates more benevolently towards you in return, your good feelings really will be true.