We’ve all sat in a restaurant waiting for our order…and waiting and waiting and waiting; sometimes even when the meal is ready. In this article, let’s look at how to politely and effectively gain the attention of the waitperson, and in such a way that he or she will feel glad to serve you.

Marilyn writes: “Yesterday at lunchtime I was sitting at the counter of my local diner and sandwich shop. I could see my sandwich sitting on the counter for at least five minutes, maybe longer. The waitress was oblivious to it, since she was talking with her friend who just came into the restaurant to see her.  Here I am, rushed for time, and she’s talking away. I felt myself getting more and more irritated, yet I didn’t know what to say to get her attention in a way that wouldn’t seem overly aggressive. Do you have a suggestion?”

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Marilyn, I’m pretty sure we can all relate to your sense of frustration. As human beings, it bothers us that someone would be so inattentive while on the job (especially when it’s “we” to whom they are being so inattentive ). At the same time, you don’t want to offend them by “calling them out.” First, because you’re a nice person. Secondly, because you know that yelling at them will not get you any better service the next time.  In fact, if anything, the opposite will happen.

The easiest, most effective course of action is to simply get their attention with either a polite wave (or, if necessary, walk over to them) and, with a smile, humbly say, “I’m sorry, I know you’re busy – I can see my sandwich waiting over there for me, and I’m just a bit on a schedule. Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

This is one of those cases where how you say it is just as important as what you say.

The chances are better-than-great that he or she will apologize – often, even profusely –  and take great care of you from that point on.

By the way, you might have an almost irresistible urge to say to them, “I’m WAIIIIIIIIITING!” or “Hey you, have you ever heard of the website, “Move your rear end.com?”

Instead, handle it the way we discussed and you’ll both live happily ever after.

Have you done that yourself? How did it work for you?

In our previous post featuring the wisdom of Le Herron, the much-loved and very successful CEO of O.M. Scott & Sons over an 18 year period stretching from the mid 60’s to the early 80’s, we saw, through some quotes from his book, Making Your Company Human: Inspiring Others to Reach Their Potential that the leader who can put the interests of others ahead of themselves is the one who wins.

Of course, this assumes the leader is talented and knows how to apply those talents both to team-building and to the sales and marketing process.  Did Mr. Herron?

Well, during just a 10-year stretch of his tenure with Scott’s, the company’s sales increaed by 280% and its net income by some 560%. Scott’s growth in sales in the decade preceding their acquisition by ITT was only 50% and its growth in net income only 60%. Apparently, Mr. Herron was also well-qualified in the sales and marketing aspects of business.

The last post focused on on the internal, team aspect of leading a company through making it more human. This post will feature quotes highlighting some of his views on sales, marketing and effective positioning. And, we’ll see just how being more human fits here, as well:

“The genius of {our first two company leaders} was that they realized the issue wasn’t really selling grass seed. The consumer didn’t – and doesn’t – really want grass seed, or fertilizer, or a control product; what he wants is a lawn…they defined this company’s business not in terms of products, but in terms of results.”

“{Our founder}, O.M. Scott decided that our growth was to be based on a very fundamental principle; providing value to the customer…Dwight (his son and successor) believed in communicating it.”

“Paul Williams (a high-ranking Scotts veteran beginning in the 1920’s) understood that it was our ability to communicate what we could do for our customer that created our success.”

“Marketing is understanding what the customer’s needs are and communicating our solutions in ways that he can understand.”

“{They} had an uncompromising attitude toward the heart of our business – providing value to the customer, and communicating that value – no matter what lures there were toward easier but shorter-ranged gains.”

“{As innovators} we are really pioneers of new ideas…and before we can sell a new product, we usually have to sell the new idea that it’s based on…you have to understand it. And you have to help other people understand it.”

“Do your customers trust your company, your brand, or your product?” {Note from Bob: Mr. Herron’s point wasn’t that one was more desirable than another. Only that whatever the answer is, it must be understood.}

“Trust is generated by three elements: personal involvement of the purchaser, a sharing of knowledge, and a quality product bonded together by our two-way relationship with our customer.”

It’s hard to put a price tag on the value of consumer trust to today’s and tomorrow’s business. It’s a priceless ingredient, worth more to us than anything we could buy. Once we begin to take away from it…once we begin to lose the consumer’s trust by skimping on the quality of our response to him…we risk losing the greatest part of our success.”

“Trust can’t be bought. It can only be built, bit by bit, by all of us.”

Did some of Mr. Herron’s advice seem almost too…simple, logical and common-sensical? You can take the best-known books on marketing that are out there today (and many of them are terrific!); boil them down to their essence, and you’ll find the principles shared by Mr. Herron right in the middle of them.

Ahh, but we’re not through learning from him. Not yet.  When we hear from him next, we’ll look at a marketing strategy embraced whole-heartedly by their customers which turned out to be immensely profitable for the company.

If you’ve ever attended one of my live presentations or read any of my books (well, just about any of them), you know how much I value handwritten, personalized notes; especially after meeting someone for the first time, doing business with them, receiving a referral, etc.

That’s not to say emails aren’t great; I certainly send a lot of them. However, there’s a time and place for everything. And, in certain situations, practically nothing makes an impact like a handwritten note of appreciation.

My friend, Bob Sommers – “The Likeability Guy” -  a very popular speaker and consultant based in Hawaii blogged about a local business woman who sent he and his wife, Susan a letter about something (i.e., someone) very special to them.

Darbee Fisher, a Realtor with Keller Williams, knows how it’s done. Wow, does she! Note what was so special about her letter that provided meaning – and impact – even above and beyond. And then find a way to duplicate her idea.

Read Bob Sommers’ excellent blog post and please share with him – and with us – your thoughts.

In Part One we heard from a reader who did not feel right being nice to someone he found to be difficult because it felt phony to him. However, since the chances are that people such as he or she aren’t going to be nice to you first (which is what he felt should happen before returned those actions in-kind) the suggestion was that we can actually “act our way” into liking that person. From there, reaching out is easy. And, the results will be to turn this current or potential enemy into a friend.

This is not the exact same thing as positive expectation (where the focus is on them) but actually changing our thoughts about ourselves and our feelings.

So, back to developing the characteristic of feeling good about someone we really don’t like? The way to feel it is to first act it! While we say this in the title, we actually barely alluded to it in the previous article.

So, here’s the principle: “Action precedes feeling.”  It’s amazing how it works.

For example, a person is sad. Do they need to have a happy incident occur “to” them before they can be happy? No, it’s been proven that if you act happy, you will become happy. While many authors, including Marcy Shimoff, in her excellent book, Happy For No Reason explain exactly why and  how it works, including the effect within the brain, we don’t need to discuss that here. It’s just enough to know that it works.

Happiness is independent of external circumstances (which doesn’t mean there aren’t external circumstances that can legitimately cause sadness, but not as a general way of
being). Change your actions and you’ll change your emotions.

For example, smile really, really big – I mean, from “the inside out” – and just try to feel sad. Can’t do it.

If you’re feeling lazy and lethargic, straighten up, walk tall, walk fast, walk with purpose and energy, and that’s exactly how you’ll begin to feel.

So, in answer to the original question in Part One, Practice “feeling” good about a difficult person by “acting” good towards that difficult person. Yes, at first it is an act. That’s okay. Perfectly acceptable. Then, when the person picks up on your action and relates more benevolently towards you in return, your good feelings really will be true.

Later this week, we’ll continue our look at one of my new heroes, Le Herron, author of Making Your Company Human. I’ve enjoyed reading your comments in response to the first two articles.

Today, let’s address a reader’s question on a different topic. He wrote:

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“I genuinely try to have the attitude of wanting to be nice to someone who is difficult to deal with, but can’t seem to get over the feeling of, ‘Well, if he’s nice to me first, then I’ll be nice to him.’ I find that reaching out first doesn’t work for me because, really, I don’t like nasty people, and I feel phony about being nice to someone I don’t like. Am I wrong? Is there a way to overcome these feelings?”

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While it’s not a matter of being right or wrong, I very much appreciate your question. Please understand that what you’re feeling is very natural. After all, I don’t think many of us have an innate desire to be nice to difficult people. However, the world being what it is, plenty of them are out there. Not to mention, those who are basically good people and for one reason or another there is simply not a simpatico between us.

So, in dealing with others, we need to make a decision as to whether we want to “be right or be effective.” The good news is that, when we are effective, we also become right. When we can teach ourselves to like a person (even one difficult to like), they will sense it, and most likely will feel the same way about us. And, now that they like us, it’s much easier to feel good about them. Ahhh, a cycle of success that cannot be beat.

In answer to one part of your question, no, I don’t believe it would be phony because you are taking an action with the desired result that it  will add value to the lives of everyone involved. Sure, you could wait for them to change on their own (“if he’s nice to me first”) but, since they are living in their own paradigm and are most likely unconscious of such, it is up to you to set – or reset – the matrix.

This is different than what we’ve discussed in previous articles regarding positive expectation of others. Here, we are talking about you, and you changing. And, there’s no reason you can’t change your mind-set to feel good about him first. In Part Two we’ll discuss this idea a bit further.

Last post you met Le Herron (CEO of O.M. Scott & Sons from 1965-1983) and learned the foundational principle of his leadership style; putting other people’s interests first. This, he learned as a lieutenant in World War II while being admonished by an old sergeant.

A business leader putting other people’s interests first. “Naive? Not at all.  In fact, study history and you’ll find that, whether in war, government, or business, those with that mind-set were the most successful.

His book, Making Your Company Human: Inspiring Others to Reach Their Potential is inspiring me greatly and I plan to start taking it to my live events and quote from it often. If many of today’s business leaders would embrace his principles, their companies would be a lot more functional…and a lot more profitable.

I was going to take one or two of his quotes and expound upon them. I then considered how very presumptuous that would be. Instead, I’d like to simply share a few of his thoughts with you. Today, we’ll focus on leadership itself; in the next post, how it ties into a successful marketing message.

“For a leader, getting results is more important than getting credit.”

“There is little value in defining what a company stands for unless its leaders live by similar principles.”

“Before people can decide whether to contribute their abilities wholeheartedly, they need to understand not just what you stand for, but what you believe the whole enterprise stands for.”

“An important personal benefit follows from discovering and documenting your company’s character: you are forced to reveal your true nature to yourself.”

“Managers often worry about over-informing. In my experience, that’s impossible. We all tend to underestimate what others can contribute when they understand a situation.”

“Only by expressing what you honestly believe will you give others in the company the courage to stand up for their own beliefs and ideals.”

“In communicating {a written message to employees, which he did throughout his tenure, sent to their homes in order to include their families} to make your company human, the most important rule is to send out a message only if you believe it, can defend it, and are willing to act consistently with your words.”

“Many times, workers are given too little information about what their company stands for. Without the opportunity to understand and be inspired by its values, they are cheated of a chance to discover the scope of their own abilities.  They may still work hard, and if other conditions are favorable the business will prosper. But the loyalty will be missing, {as will} the resilience that keeps companies strong when the going is hard.”

“Trust can’t be bought.  It can only be built, bit by bit, by all of us.”

“If we’re considering a shift in course to take advantage of more favorable conditions, it’s our values that should tell us how helpful that shift would be in terms of where we really want to go.”

“The nature of a good company – like that of a good person – is that it tries to keep becoming better.”

and, finally…

“Change when it’s necessary to protect your principles…but don’t change your principles.”

I head down south today for a speaking engagement tomorrow morning. So, while I won’t be able to quickly acknowledge your responses, I’d love to read them. What are your thoughts about any or all of the above quotes? What about the very last one? How and when might that occur in your business or personal life?

Next time we hear from Mr. Herron we’ll focus more on his marketing expertise and see how he was able to humanize that, with great profit as a result.

I’m reading an amazing book on leadership, given me by my friend, Kristin Kern, whose company, Kernacopia, Ltd.  did the cover design. It’s entitled, Making Your Company Human: Inspiring Others to Reach Their Potential.

Written by a hugely successful former CEO, Le Herron (with Sherry Christie), it’s truly a roadmap on why/how Go-Giver-type leaders finish first; how they cultivate an environment of loyal, excited team members and similarly motivated customers.

However, it’s more than just a book on leadership by a man who was definitely the kind of “Level Five Leader” that Jim Collins discussed in his excellent book, Good to Great.  It’s also a book on sales and marketing. No, that’s not the focus, but the lessons in that area are terrific, as well.

Le Herron was, most notably, CEO (1965-1983) of the very profitable O.M. Scott & Sons (now The Scotts Miracle-Gro Company), the national manufacturer and marketer of lawn care products. Though long retired, he wrote this book as an answer to the current climate of distrust between business leaders and their employees. He opines on the reasons for that distrust in no uncertain terms, feeling they are well-deserved.

Mr. Herron was a leader who focused on a consistent message (and effectively communicating that message) to both his associates and his customers and always maintaining the company’s guiding principles.

The Dedication he made at the front of the book sums up his feelings on leadership:

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“When I was a brand-new second lieutenant in the Army Corps of Engineers during World War II, I was out with troops in the field on a training mission. It had been a hard day, and when the mess line was ready, I went over to eat. But before I could be served, an old sergeant took me aside.

“’Lieutenant,’ he said, ‘when your men have been fed, if there’s any food left, then you will eat.’ And while he was at it he added, ‘And after all your troops have been bedded down, if there’s a place for you to lie down, then you will sleep.’

“This book is dedicated to that sergeant, who in two minutes taught me a lesson about leadership that has been at the center of my beliefs ever since.”

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Over the next few posts, we’ll learn some additional lessons from the book.

I don’t know Mr. Herron personally. I don’t know if Kristin knows him. However, while I’m only halfway through the book, he’s fast becoming one of my heroes. I checked out the book on Amazon.com. Amazingly, few people even seem to know about it.

And, at nearly 90 years of age, I’m sure he’s not looking to go out and actively promote it. I’d sure like to see to see it become popular through word-of-mouth (or, word of Internet) however, and take on a life of its own.

Let’s see.

In the previous post I shared a very valuable lesson I learned while speaking at a Ritz Carlton Hotel property. In essence, it’s that rather than greeting someone with – what I call – a typical “non-greeting” such as “How are ya’” or “How ya’ doin’” (notice the lack of question marks because neither are a question), a terrific, classy and value-based way is to instead say either “Good morning”, “Good afternoon”, or “Good evening.”

Readers comments were awesome and added much value to the original post.

So, let’s look at another “Lesson from the Ritz.” This has to do with responding to someone saying “thank you” after you’ve helped them.

Do you think the guest-contact employees answer with, “No problem”? No way!

They say, “My pleasure.”

Ohhhh. Beautiful. And it works anytime, anywhere, with anyone and in practically any situation.

“My pleasure.” It says it all.

I was speaking to a class of high school seniors and suggested that, whether working at a restaurant, running your own car detailing service or interviewing for a job, “You can separate yourself from the rest of the pack simply using those two words.”

Same if you are an adult.

“You’re welcome” is good. “My pleasure” is even better.

My suggestion is to make this a habit. You won’t regret it.

Glad to help. In fact, it’s…(okay, you saw that one coming, didn’t you?)

Years ago I was brought in to do a program for one of the Ritz Carlton Hotel properties. While there, I learned a valuable lesson.

Whenever crossing paths with any of their staff – and I do mean any of their staff – you’ll never be greeted with the meaningless expression, “How ya’ doin’?” Nor will you be greeted with, “Hey”, “How are ya?”, “How’s it goin’?”, or “What’s up?” It’s either “Good morning”, “Good afternoon”, or “Good evening.”

Wow, that’s impressive!

Of course, every other hotel in the world – from Marriott to Hyatt; from Super 8 to Motel 6 (yes, where Tom Bodett will “leave the light on for you”) – could do that as well, without costing them an extra penny in expenses aside from the initial teaching? They could bring themselves just a notch closer to the Ritz Carlton and an all-star impression by making that one…single…adjustment.

They could…but they won’t. Why not? As the great Jim Rohn used to say, “I don’t know, they just won’t.”

We can, individually, do the same as the Ritz Carlton, and with great results. As you know, how we greet strangers, neighbors, prospects, customers and anyone else is the first impression they will have of us. And we all know the saying regarding first impressions.

Want to make a great impression? Then do away with all of the typical greeting “non-questions.” You know – those questions to which you neither expect, nor want, an answer.

“How ya’ doin’? is always the worst one to me. Why? Because I was the worst when it came to saying that. What’s better is “Good morning”, “Good afternoon”, or “Good evening.”

Or, do you know what else works just as well? A big, friendly smile that just radiates how happy you are to see them, and the word, “Hi!”

Yes, you can do the same as the Ritz Carlton.

And…I bet you will.

Would love to know, what do you think? Does a greeting really make that big of a difference? Now, what about after someone thanks you.

In the next article, we’ll look at another replacement phrase that will separate you from the rest and make you an even more effective communicator.

Many people have a challenge with taking advice and direction. Yet, in the real world, if they’re not doing the right things, or they’re not doing things right, they need to be helped, told, guided, persuaded, etc. and you might be the one who needs to do it.

The key is to do this not only without offending them, but having them be totally non-resistant to your suggestion, and even embracing it. You can do this very effectively with, what I call, “Qualifiers.” Simple to use, they work like a charm.

Tom from Texas wrote (excerpted), “Bob, how would you suggest giving advice to someone without their getting their “ego in a sling?”

Tom, you are right on with that question, my friend. The fact is, people generally don’t like to be told “what to do” in the first place, and definitely don’t enjoy being told “how to do something better” in the second place. This doesn’t include everyone, of course; but certainly enough people that it behooves us to know how to work with such a person.

There are two solutions that I find work very well. One is the “Third-Party Explanation” which we’ve discussed previously. Here, let’s look at the “Qualifier.”

A Qualifier is a short phrase that makes your advice more acceptable and easier to embrace. Simply use these qualifiers before the actual advice. A few examples – with the Qualifier underlined and in italics – might be:

“Steve, I might be wrong about this; why don’t we try putting the widget here.”

“Shirley, this is just a thought; I’m wondering if perhaps the whichamahoozee would be more cost-effective if we …”

And this one will practically always make the person more receptive:

“Joe, you know more about this than I do; I’m wondering though if . . . ”

Many master persuaders become adept at using qualifiers whenever and to whomever they offer advice. Let’s face it; sometimes the pill is simply easier to swallow if it’s mixed
into the applesauce.

Are there any “Qualifiers” you’ve used that have worked particularly well for you and the other person that you would like to share with us?