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Yes, Benjamin Franklin truly was one of America's wisest men. And, he
developed a way with people long before the "Dale Carnegie Course" (or -
for that matter - Dale Carnegie) ever arrived on the scene. :-) In the
following article, you'll learn one method ole' Ben used for winning
people over that is a completely opposite approach from the usual. -----------------------
Question: "I really enjoy how you make the point of giving
first before getting. Is there ever a reversal to this?" -----------------------
The "Ben Franklin Method" For Winning People Over
By Bob Burg
So often in these articles we talk about giving before getting,
and that is certainly a very important aspect of helping a
person to feel comfortable with you, and want to do for you.
Whether in social relationships or sales, being the first to
reach out is an extremely effective human relations strategy,
as well as just a generally nice way to be.
But we learn from one of America's more well-known founders,
Benjamin Franklin, how taking the opposite approach can have
excellent results as well.
In his book, "Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin and Other
Writings" (http://www.executivebooks.com), the inventor,
statesman, and diplomat tells of an incident with a man who
opposed his being rechosen as Clerk of the General Assembly
of the Pennsylvania House.
Although he did manage to keep the office, Ben knew that this
person, whom he described as "a gentleman of fortune and
education with talents that were likely to give him, in time,
great influence in the House," could be trouble later on. He
aimed to insure that didn't happen by, as the Talmud teaches,
"making, of an enemy, a friend."
Let's let Ben tell us how he did it:
"I did not, however, aim at gaining his favour by paying any
servile respect to him, but after some time took this other
method. Having heard that he had in his library a certain very
scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him expressing my
desire of perusing that book and requesting he would do me the
favour of lending it to me for a few days.
He sent it immediately - and I returned it in about a week with
Another note expressing strongly my sense of the favour. When
we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never
done before), and with great civility. And he ever afterwards
manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we
became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death.
This is another instance of the truth of an old maxim I had
learned, which says, 'He that has once done you a kindness
will be more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself
have obliged.' And it shows how much more profitable it is
prudently to remove, than to resent, return, and continue
inimical proceedings."
Understand that both ways work (giving first and getting
first); it's just a matter of judging the method that will work
best depending upon both the situation and the other
person involved. Either way, what Ben said in his final
sentence makes a whole lot of sense. To paraphrase: We're
better off making a friend than keeping an enemy.
Bob Burg http:www.burg.com is author of Endless Referrals:
Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without
Intimidation and The Success Formula.
He has a full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone
can grow and prosper. Check them out by going to
http:www.burg.com , then click on the
link to his online store.
Bob also publishes a free weekly ezine to which you can
subscribe going to http://www.burg.com/newsletter.html.
Burg Communications, Inc.
PO Box 7002
Jupiter, FL 33468-7002
(800) 726-3667
bob@burg.com
Copyright 1998 Burg Communications, Inc.
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