In Parts One and Two we saw how effective it is, when in a disagreement, to point out the other person’s side of the issue first. It works in business. And, it works just as well in interpersonal situations.
By doing this, we first establish our credibility, and then what we say on our own behalf becomes even more acceptable. Again, you’ll know you’re on the right track when the other(s) begins making your case for you.
However, there is an important caveat to keep in mind: if you have a history with this person where win/lose argument and debate is the norm, then it may take a couple of conversations before they’ll be ready to accept your new attitude. Very quickly, however, they’ll begin to see that you are simply searching for the truth – not just trying to be right at all costs.
As we conclude this three-part series, I believe the key point in all this is humility, which leads to effective communication. When we are truly desirous of the truth and not just in winning an argument, people understand our intent and are much quicker to accept our position.
The Talmud teaches this valuable lesson through the story of Hillel and Shammai, two of our greatest Sages. They and their respective disciples (houses) disagreed on many legal issues. On the majority of issues, the law sides with Beis (house of) Hillel. Why? The Talmud explains that Hillel was humble – he taught Shammai’s opinion before he taught his own.
Let’s keep this lesson in our active consciousness as we win our “cases” with kindness, tact, respect, and appreciation for the other person and his or her views.
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From my experience, this is not only a technique for “winning”, but it indeed helps me find out the truth. By using this technique, I actually expand my own perception of any specific reality, and achieve a better understanding of whatever the issue may be.
Thanks for this valuable insight 🙂
My brother and I are currently using this technique as we try to get our 92-year-old father to agree to move from his home of 50 years to a very nice assisted-living facility. We don’t want him to feel pressured, but we also don’t want him to pass up a lovely suite, the likes of which may not be available again for some time. Our Dad was a management negotiator in Industrial Relations. The Union used to refer to him and his silver hair, calling him “The Silver Fox”. Now it’s time for his children to be as wise as foxes. 🙂 Thanks, Bob!
I love this scripture on humility & attempt to live by it!
Prov.22:4-“The reward of humility and the reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is riches and honor and life.” Another translation says, “…is plenty and honor and a satisfying life.”
In faith, business, life, relationships, etc., humility pays off!
You are the greatest example of a humble person I know!
Thanks,
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