It’s always enjoyable for me to let one of my readers relate how they’ve applied certain teachings in order to obtain more satisfaction, happiness and peace of mind.

I’ve known Cameron since she was a very young adult, when she worked for the owners of one of the client organizations I used to speak to many years ago. Since that time, and via the original book, she’s been a faithful student (and teacher!) of “Winning Without Intimidation.” Here’s a very recent story. I believe you’ll see why I’m so proud of her.

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Hi Bob!

“My sweetheart heard that one of my favorite bands was coming to town and purchased tickets over the internet from a large entertainment retailer.  After completing the transaction, I recommended printing out the receipt until we got the tickets in the mail.  Since he didn’t have a printer available, I scanned the confirmation page.

“It was then that I noticed he had mistakenly purchased tickets for the wrong date and venue (we wanted to go to the concert in San Diego, CA, not St. Louis, MO).  We laughed for a minute and then proceeded to look up the return/refund policy on the website.  It stated, ‘We give you 3 days to change your mind’ as well as ‘All tickets for events at participating venues are fully refundable for 72 hours after purchase, up until one week before the event.’

“I assured him it wouldn’t be a problem since we’d noticed it right away and thanked him for being so thoughtful in getting us tickets.  He called Customer Service, but since it was Sunday evening they were closed.  We wrote down the order number for when he’d call first thing in the morning and went ahead and purchased tickets for the correct date and venue.

“When he called early the next morning, he was immediately told that the tickets had already been printed and mailed and that all sales were final and could not be refunded.

“Unfortunately, since Mike had not yet been introduced to the wonders of Winning Without Intimidation, he did not know to ask the name of the person he was speaking to. So, after being put on hold for 10 minutes and then disconnected, he had to start all over.

“He and I were instant messaging one another throughout and I was trying to inject little tidbits such as, ‘Start with “I have a challenge I’m hoping you can help me with”; ask for the person’s name at the beginning so they don’t feel like you are only asking to complain about them; thank him for being so helpful as you ask to speak to a manager. But, if the manager can’t help you, ask HOW he and the representative could “solve” the challenge. Above all, conduct yourself in a way that makes him WANT to help you.’

“I could tell he was very frustrated and probably wasn’t using a very ‘tactful’ tone.  He spoke to another person on the second call and was then told that the retailer would have to contact the promoter to see if a refund could be issued and to call back after 24 hours.  Again, Mike was basically under the impression that despite what the website clearly stated, that he was out of luck in getting these tickets refunded.

“At this point, I stepped in and sent an email through their ‘Contact Us’ link ‘from’ Mike.  I stated what had happened, referred to the policy and re-iterated that we had met all the ‘qualifications’ for the refund and requested that the retailer take appropriate action.

“Here is the email I sent:

“‘Good morning. I purchased tickets for Rascal Flatts last night at approx 9:30pm.  As soon as I saw the receipt I realized that somehow I purchased tickets for St. Louis, MO rather than the intended San Diego, CA.  I tried calling Customer Service immediately, but they were closed.  I called this morning around 10am (less than 12 hours after purchasing tickets) but was told that the tickets could not be returned/refunded.

“‘According to your return policy (stated in multiple places on your website) “All tickets for events at participating venues are fully refundable for 72 hours after purchase, up until one week before the event.”

“‘The Maryland Heights venue IS a participating venue according to your 3-day Return Policy List and I am requesting a refund well before one week prior to the event (a full 12 days).  Therefore, I would appreciate a full refund to be issued immediately and my order for the Missouri event canceled.

“‘I can’t imagine that the tickets have been printed and mailed before noon on the first business day following the initial order, but if they have been, please instruct me on whether you would like the tickets returned to you or destroyed.  I have always been happy with purchasing event tickets through Livenation/Ticketmaster and I’m confident you will take care of this matter appropriately in order to keep a valuable customer.’

“Bob, within 8 hours we received the following response:

Hello Michael,

Your ticket order has been canceled and the money refunded!   $XXX.XX was put back on your credit card on Monday, August 16, 2010.  It should take about 3-10 business days for the bank to process the credit.  If you need anything else, we’re always here for you – just hit reply and ask us or visit Ticketmaster.com.Thanks for being a fan!

Sincerely,
XXXXXX_Billy
Ticketmaster Fan Support

“But, even if we hadn’t received that positive response, I’m sure that had I been able to speak to a representative it would have ended with the same result.  I liked being able to be the “hero” for my guy that day and it prompted him to post on Facebook:

“’I am blessed to be with an AMAZING woman who continues to impress me’

“Can’t beat that for making your day!  Bob, I can’t wait until I get my book back from a friend (she’s reading it to improve her personal coaching interactions) so he can read it, too.

“I never realized how your principles have become second nature after all these years of ‘practicing’ them, but they sure are successful for me!  Thank you AGAIN! — Cameron”

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Cameron, You ROCK, my friend. There are methods you applied from the book that I haven’t even blogged about yet, thus can’t link to them for now. But you have reminded me of some which I’ll now have to feature in future articles. Your emails to me throughout the years regarding your enjoyment of Winning Without Intimidation and seeing how you utilize the teachings for the good of everyone involved causes me to “Kvell with Nachas” (Yiddish for “Burst with Joy”). Thank you for being a shining light. I can practically guarantee you your letter will make a difference in the lives of many readers of this blog, including mine!

Often, salespeople get discouraged because people tell them “no.” Well, since being told “no” is a part of selling and is not going to change, we must determine how to live with that fact, yet allow ourselves to keep up a positive attitude and prosper.* One way is to understand that you are responsible only for your activity (presenting your product, service, opportunity, etc.); not the result (whether they buy or don’t buy).

After all, there are many reasons someone might not buy that have nothing to do with you**

The key is to keep loading up the funnel via actively prospecting, obtaining high-quality referrals and presenting to as many people as possible on a consistent, daily basis. The good news is, “The more correct activity, the more results.”

In the first paragraph I said, “You are responsible only for your activity; not the results.” However, please understand that a basic law of life tells us that, assuming you are doing the activity correctly, then “The more activity – the more results.”

So, although you can only control your activity, not the results, by controlling your activity, you can, in fact, control your results. It’s a paradox…but one that works.

Keep filling the funnel via your correct activity, and the number of people you serve, as well as your income, will skyrocket.

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*The book and DVD, Go For No by my friends, Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz is an awesome tool for reframing the word “no” into a positive aspect of your sales process. Totally blew me away! {Note: Like all products I refer and link to, other than my own, I receive absolutely no remuneration for this nor was I asked to post this. It’s simply a terrific tool I believe in completely. I’m sure you knew that, but…}

** {From 2nd paragraph} this does not free one from the responsibility of being as prepared and knowledgeable as possible so that those who are qualified and ready to buy, will do so.

Yesterday’s post elicited quite a few comments, both from cat lovers and lovers of The Five Love Languages, the bestselling book by Dr. Gary Chapman. One sent to me privately by my friend, Susan Somerset Webb, was – in my opinion – particularly gripping:

“In the late 70′s I left Chicago and a long term boyfriend (quite wealthy) to move to Florida because I didn’t feel loved by him. I told him this many times before I left. Fast forward many, many years later when we reconnect and over dinner he asked, ‘Tell me again why you left me?’ When I told him I didn’t feel loved (he never told me he loved me) he replied, ‘But I gave you everything.’ I would have replaced all the material things with one single ‘I love you.’”

His Love Language was gifts. Hers was words of affirmation.

In the title I used the word “chilling.” Why? Because it brings to mind just how many relationships have been damaged due to this lack of understanding of one’s own and one’s partner’s love language.

The good news is that perhaps Susan’s story can motivate the rest of us to take the concept very seriously. I guess, in that case, then… it’s not chilling at all, but rather encouraging.

Recently, I posted the following on Facebook:

“My stray cat, Liberty, left a mouse’s head on the patio for me this morning. Not a dead mouse, the head of a dead mouse! I think that cat has been watching too many movies lately. Hmm, what is she trying to tell me?”

As a note, while I’m just now learning about cats, I did know that cats show appreciation to their humans by bringing them dead stuff. What was so amusing to me was the head looking very much like a miniature version of the one from the famous movie.

Now, as opposed to the three responses I typically receive when posting something I feel is quasi-profound, this one brought – on both pages combined – over 70 responses. Which tells me I’m not nearly as quasi-profound as I quasi-think I am.

Many of the responses (along with some teasing from my friends, Dondi Scumaci and Dixie Gillaspie, who are amused with the irony that I call Liberty “my stray” cat – Dondi simply refers to her as “Bob’s cat”) found some good lessons in the post.

Several people, including Dixie, Debbi and Edie talked about seeing “value” from the other’s point of view. Yes, while the mouse’s head held no intrinsic (or, for that matter, extrinsic, or, for that matter, any!) value to me, it did for Liberty. Because she valued it, their terrific point suggested that I should at least value the thought, if not the gift itself. And, in that sense, I would be valuing the gift.

A couple people took the lesson that we should be careful to choose the gifts we give to others based on how they might value it.

Both excellent lessons reminded me of a book I read many years ago by Dr. Gary Chapman entitled, The Five Love Languages. The basic premise is that there are five types of ways in which we feel loved. They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. While most of us have all five to a certain extent, usually one is primary and much more dominant than are the others.

Here’s the rub: In the same way that we, as human beings, tend to assume that our Belief System is everybody else’s Belief System, we also tend to believe that our Love Language is the other person’s, as well, even if we don’t know anything about Love Languages.

Thus, if one partner’s Love Language is acts of service and the other’s is physical touch, the first person wonders why their thoughtful acts of service are never appreciated? And also doesn’t understand why the other partner doesn’t think of providing acts of service to them.

The fact that this is taking place on an unconscious level means that not only are the two people not “speaking” the same language…they don’t even know they are not speaking the same language, or that there is even a language such as this to be spoken!

The basic Love Language principles taught by Dr. Chapman are not only for couples but – as suggested by his now many books on the topic – for anyone. So, from this moment on, after determining your Love Language as well as the other person’s, be sure and stay conscious of both.

Or, you could just adopt a stray cat. But, watch out for those mouse heads. As a couple of Facebook commenters suggested, the cat could be part of a catnip Cat-tell, a member of Al-Catta or, perhaps even the Catra Nostra.

Let’s never confuse being nice with not getting what we want. Yes, we should be nice…and we should get what we want. But, what about those times when the other person just doesn’t seem to “get the drift” and understand what he or she can do in order to help?

In other words, they seem to be living in the problem and not the solution. And, let’s face it, the majority of people grow up problem-oriented as opposed to solution-oriented. How can we overcome that, and create a win for all?

Martin from Pennsylvania writes:

“Being nice is great, but what if the person you’re dealing with just isn’t providing the help you need and you have no other option? Do you walk away and let it go at that? Why should their problem be your problem. That seems very dissatisfying to me. Do I have to simply accept that?

Martin, that’s an excellent question. Although there are times we do have to just walk away and say “Next”, those times are quite rare. In fact, extremely rare. Keep in mind that it’s “WINNING” Without Intimidation we are talking about, not “losing” (either you or they).

What we often need to do, however, is to help the other person – as my friend, Thomas Hudson says – “live in the solution instead of the problem.” As long as this is done with tact and kindness, everyone wins.

Example:

International Leadership authority and mega-bestselling author, Dr. John Maxwell tells the story of the time he ordered a double cheeseburger. The counter person told him they don’t serve double cheeseburgers. Dr. Maxwell asked, “Are you sure?” The young fellow replied, “Absolutely sure.”

Dr. Maxwell, in a very polite manner, then asked, “I’ll tell you what then – could you possibly make me two cheeseburgers, but on the second one, leave out the bread?”

The answer? “Sure, no problem.”

Your goal (since it probably won’t be the other person’s) is to always live in the solution. Acknowledge the problem but focus on the solution.  As you do this more and more, it will become natural to you and half the fun.

So, remember, for the most part, the recipe to dealing with those living In the problem…is to add just a touch of solution.