I love receiving emails from readers sharing with us their successes. Please note specifically how she accomplished her goal.

Christine from New York writes:

“Dear Bob, Recently I was facing a problem with an airline over the validity of a voucher I had. I was told to email the corporate office addressing the problem. Using my teachings from your {articles on} Winning Without Intimidation, I had no problem getting the expiration date extended. I basically apologized for being a bother and assured them that I am sure that the employee that misinformed me was probably very busy that day.

“I explained the situation all the while complimenting the company and thanked them several times for their immediate attention to the matter. I was told that it would be at least a week to ten days before I received an answer, but I had my answer and extension of the voucher in just 2 days!!

“Thank you Bob and all your wonderful contributors who make it possible for us all to be better human beings.”

WOW – Christine, you have earned your “Masters Degree” in Winning Without Intimidation. You’ve demonstrated how utilizing these principles can be applied to practically any situation. In this case, you utilized the concepts of  “The Pre-Apology Approach“, “appreciation throughout” and “polite persistence.” I’m so proud of you!

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What about you? Care to share some of the ways you’ve applied what we discuss in these columns that have brought you the type of success experienced by Christine?

As we’ve discussed in prior articles, our ego is a motivating factor for much of what we do. This affects every relationship and every aspect of life, including sales. The salesperson has an ego and the prospect or client has an ego.  Whether ego is good or bad isn’t the question (in my opinion, it is neither…it simply is what it is and depending upon the situation can either work for us or against us; for humankind or against it), nor is it the problem.

The problem is that typically, while we are being controlled by our ego, we are not aware of the fact that we are being controlled by our ego. In this week’s Video Brief, let’s begin to look at how this relates to the sales process while digging into it deeper in Part 2.

The action idea for this week is really nothing more than making a study of the ego; yours, theirs, everyone’s. And, just as importantly, staying totally conscious of it. As you do this, you’ll be continually amazed by both your self-discovery and a greater awareness of human ego overall.

In Part One we began our look into the character trait of anger with an eye toward overcoming it. In Part Two, we looked at three steps, finishing by imagining a scenario that could help us to very quickly end an anger episode just before it begins.

So, how might you utilize Step #3? If you find yourself in a situation we’re anger is welling up and you feel as though you’re going to explode, first become conscious of the situation based on Step #2. Remember, you’ve already visualized it. Now, don’t rationalize (“rational lies”) to yourself that there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Instead, just recall the scene of the very large, ferocious-looking man with a machine gun threatening you that if you don’t “adjust” right now you’re in trouble.

Now, instead of losing control of yourself and becoming angry, just remember that you could (and would!) calm yourself if the circumstances were  the above. And, if you could do it then, you can do it now.

Again, your desire (Step #1) to lose this trait of anger will have to be stronger than the immediate comfort or status quo (actually, the correct term might even be “emotional laziness”) of letting yourself explode into the familiar angry rage.

#4 Build on your small successes. You don’t have to be 100 percent successful in order to take pleasure in your progress. Maybe the first few times you simply don’t get *as* angry. Or, you handle it well a couple of times and then slip up. Then you do it well again. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect. Just do your best. You’re well on your way. Remember, I was there. I’m just suggesting you to do exactly what I did, which I learned from someone else.

On the other hand, while we’ve looked at some ways to keep ourselves from acting out in anger, is that enough to settle the issue, or do we also need to feel less angry about…things? What do you think and what would you recommend?

In Part One we heard from a reader (actually, a compilation of readers’ questions) expressing doubt with regard to overcoming the very destructive character trait of anger. In today’s article, let’s begin discussing some steps to do just that.

#1 Truly desire to lose anger as a character trait. This is key. Without the desire to change and a commitment to see it through, utilizing these methods will be no more effective for the long-term than trying to cover an internal infection with a bandage.

#2 Imagine situations and scenarios that could happen (perhaps based on past experience) that would elicit anger and see yourself handling them in a calm, constructive and positive manner. This is like an astronaut running simulated missions so that, by the time he or she is actually in flight, the scenario is already familiar, thus easier to handle.

#3 Play the following mind-game with yourself. Pretend you are in the midst of an outburst of anger. Then imagine that a 7 foot tall, 450 pound, ferocious looking man wielding a machine gun enters the room, looks at you and says, “if you don’t stop your anger right now, you’re in trouble.” Now, would you be able to calm down and immediately end your angry outburst? I don’t know about you, but I sure would, and fast!

#3A. Here’s the great news: If you could do it in that example, then you’ve just proved to yourself that you are capable of not becoming angry whenever you are motivated not to be. And, if you can do it once, you can do it whenever you choose.

In Part Three, we’ll see how this would play out in “real life.” Meanwhile, what do you think? Can you see how this would work for you? (Err, I mean, your friend who has the anger issue)

The following question is actually a “compilation” of questions I’ve received from many readers in the past:

“Bob, I can see where so much of ‘Winning Without Intimidation’ works for those who, when in conflict with another, can control themselves the way you suggest. But what about those of us who, for example, have a temper that cannot be controlled because it’s just a part of our basic makeup and we cannot change it?”

Thank you for writing. I so appreciate your question because, just by asking, it shows you have a desire to change even though, right now, it may seem like a virtual impossibility. Please don’t worry. It’s very possible. In fact, you can overcome this and the quality of your life will improve dramatically as a result.

By the way, please know you’re not alone. I can relate. As I’ve shared before, anger was a major problem for me for a large part of my life. Once you’ve successfully conquered your anger challenge, then, for the rest of your life, you’ll wonder why you ever allowed yourself to go so long without overcoming this very destructive trait and, instead, adopting the characteristic of inner peace.

In fact, the character trait of anger is a common one and I’m sure many readers were nodding their heads in agreement as they read your question.

* Please note that, for the sake of this discussion, I’m talking only about unhealthy anger. There is a time and place for legitimate anger and how to effectively channel that for a positive outcome. Here we are only discussing the negative and counter-productive variety.

The Sages asked, “Who is mighty?” and answered, “That person who can control their inclinations.”

In Part Two we’ll begin looking at some steps you can take master this trait…and master yourself.