We’ve all sat in a restaurant waiting for our order…and waiting and waiting and waiting; sometimes even when the meal is ready. In this article, let’s look at how to politely and effectively gain the attention of the waitperson, and in such a way that he or she will feel glad to serve you.

Marilyn writes: “Yesterday at lunchtime I was sitting at the counter of my local diner and sandwich shop. I could see my sandwich sitting on the counter for at least five minutes, maybe longer. The waitress was oblivious to it, since she was talking with her friend who just came into the restaurant to see her.  Here I am, rushed for time, and she’s talking away. I felt myself getting more and more irritated, yet I didn’t know what to say to get her attention in a way that wouldn’t seem overly aggressive. Do you have a suggestion?”

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Marilyn, I’m pretty sure we can all relate to your sense of frustration. As human beings, it bothers us that someone would be so inattentive while on the job (especially when it’s “we” to whom they are being so inattentive ). At the same time, you don’t want to offend them by “calling them out.” First, because you’re a nice person. Secondly, because you know that yelling at them will not get you any better service the next time.  In fact, if anything, the opposite will happen.

The easiest, most effective course of action is to simply get their attention with either a polite wave (or, if necessary, walk over to them) and, with a smile, humbly say, “I’m sorry, I know you’re busy – I can see my sandwich waiting over there for me, and I’m just a bit on a schedule. Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

This is one of those cases where how you say it is just as important as what you say.

The chances are better-than-great that he or she will apologize – often, even profusely –  and take great care of you from that point on.

By the way, you might have an almost irresistible urge to say to them, “I’m WAIIIIIIIIITING!” or “Hey you, have you ever heard of the website, “Move your rear end.com?”

Instead, handle it the way we discussed and you’ll both live happily ever after.

Have you done that yourself? How did it work for you?

In our previous post featuring the wisdom of Le Herron, the much-loved and very successful CEO of O.M. Scott & Sons over an 18 year period stretching from the mid 60’s to the early 80’s, we saw, through some quotes from his book, Making Your Company Human: Inspiring Others to Reach Their Potential that the leader who can put the interests of others ahead of themselves is the one who wins.

Of course, this assumes the leader is talented and knows how to apply those talents both to team-building and to the sales and marketing process.  Did Mr. Herron?

Well, during just a 10-year stretch of his tenure with Scott’s, the company’s sales increaed by 280% and its net income by some 560%. Scott’s growth in sales in the decade preceding their acquisition by ITT was only 50% and its growth in net income only 60%. Apparently, Mr. Herron was also well-qualified in the sales and marketing aspects of business.

The last post focused on on the internal, team aspect of leading a company through making it more human. This post will feature quotes highlighting some of his views on sales, marketing and effective positioning. And, we’ll see just how being more human fits here, as well:

“The genius of {our first two company leaders} was that they realized the issue wasn’t really selling grass seed. The consumer didn’t – and doesn’t – really want grass seed, or fertilizer, or a control product; what he wants is a lawn…they defined this company’s business not in terms of products, but in terms of results.”

“{Our founder}, O.M. Scott decided that our growth was to be based on a very fundamental principle; providing value to the customer…Dwight (his son and successor) believed in communicating it.”

“Paul Williams (a high-ranking Scotts veteran beginning in the 1920’s) understood that it was our ability to communicate what we could do for our customer that created our success.”

“Marketing is understanding what the customer’s needs are and communicating our solutions in ways that he can understand.”

“{They} had an uncompromising attitude toward the heart of our business – providing value to the customer, and communicating that value – no matter what lures there were toward easier but shorter-ranged gains.”

“{As innovators} we are really pioneers of new ideas…and before we can sell a new product, we usually have to sell the new idea that it’s based on…you have to understand it. And you have to help other people understand it.”

“Do your customers trust your company, your brand, or your product?” {Note from Bob: Mr. Herron’s point wasn’t that one was more desirable than another. Only that whatever the answer is, it must be understood.}

“Trust is generated by three elements: personal involvement of the purchaser, a sharing of knowledge, and a quality product bonded together by our two-way relationship with our customer.”

It’s hard to put a price tag on the value of consumer trust to today’s and tomorrow’s business. It’s a priceless ingredient, worth more to us than anything we could buy. Once we begin to take away from it…once we begin to lose the consumer’s trust by skimping on the quality of our response to him…we risk losing the greatest part of our success.”

“Trust can’t be bought. It can only be built, bit by bit, by all of us.”

Did some of Mr. Herron’s advice seem almost too…simple, logical and common-sensical? You can take the best-known books on marketing that are out there today (and many of them are terrific!); boil them down to their essence, and you’ll find the principles shared by Mr. Herron right in the middle of them.

Ahh, but we’re not through learning from him. Not yet.  When we hear from him next, we’ll look at a marketing strategy embraced whole-heartedly by their customers which turned out to be immensely profitable for the company.

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If you’ve ever attended one of my live presentations or read any of my books (well, just about any of them), you know how much I value handwritten, personalized notes; especially after meeting someone for the first time, doing business with them, receiving a referral, etc.

That’s not to say emails aren’t great; I certainly send a lot of them. However, there’s a time and place for everything. And, in certain situations, practically nothing makes an impact like a handwritten note of appreciation.

My friend, Bob Sommers – “The Likeability Guy” -  a very popular speaker and consultant based in Hawaii blogged about a local business woman who sent he and his wife, Susan a letter about something (i.e., someone) very special to them.

Darbee Fisher, a Realtor with Keller Williams, knows how it’s done. Wow, does she! Note what was so special about her letter that provided meaning – and impact – even above and beyond. And then find a way to duplicate her idea.

Read Bob Sommers’ excellent blog post and please share with him – and with us – your thoughts.

In Part One we heard from a reader who did not feel right being nice to someone he found to be difficult because it felt phony to him. However, since the chances are that people such as he or she aren’t going to be nice to you first (which is what he felt should happen before returned those actions in-kind) the suggestion was that we can actually “act our way” into liking that person. From there, reaching out is easy. And, the results will be to turn this current or potential enemy into a friend.

This is not the exact same thing as positive expectation (where the focus is on them) but actually changing our thoughts about ourselves and our feelings.

So, back to developing the characteristic of feeling good about someone we really don’t like? The way to feel it is to first act it! While we say this in the title, we actually barely alluded to it in the previous article.

So, here’s the principle: “Action precedes feeling.”  It’s amazing how it works.

For example, a person is sad. Do they need to have a happy incident occur “to” them before they can be happy? No, it’s been proven that if you act happy, you will become happy. While many authors, including Marcy Shimoff, in her excellent book, Happy For No Reason explain exactly why and  how it works, including the effect within the brain, we don’t need to discuss that here. It’s just enough to know that it works.

Happiness is independent of external circumstances (which doesn’t mean there aren’t external circumstances that can legitimately cause sadness, but not as a general way of
being). Change your actions and you’ll change your emotions.

For example, smile really, really big – I mean, from “the inside out” – and just try to feel sad. Can’t do it.

If you’re feeling lazy and lethargic, straighten up, walk tall, walk fast, walk with purpose and energy, and that’s exactly how you’ll begin to feel.

So, in answer to the original question in Part One, Practice “feeling” good about a difficult person by “acting” good towards that difficult person. Yes, at first it is an act. That’s okay. Perfectly acceptable. Then, when the person picks up on your action and relates more benevolently towards you in return, your good feelings really will be true.

Later this week, we’ll continue our look at one of my new heroes, Le Herron, author of Making Your Company Human. I’ve enjoyed reading your comments in response to the first two articles.

Today, let’s address a reader’s question on a different topic. He wrote:

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“I genuinely try to have the attitude of wanting to be nice to someone who is difficult to deal with, but can’t seem to get over the feeling of, ‘Well, if he’s nice to me first, then I’ll be nice to him.’ I find that reaching out first doesn’t work for me because, really, I don’t like nasty people, and I feel phony about being nice to someone I don’t like. Am I wrong? Is there a way to overcome these feelings?”

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While it’s not a matter of being right or wrong, I very much appreciate your question. Please understand that what you’re feeling is very natural. After all, I don’t think many of us have an innate desire to be nice to difficult people. However, the world being what it is, plenty of them are out there. Not to mention, those who are basically good people and for one reason or another there is simply not a simpatico between us.

So, in dealing with others, we need to make a decision as to whether we want to “be right or be effective.” The good news is that, when we are effective, we also become right. When we can teach ourselves to like a person (even one difficult to like), they will sense it, and most likely will feel the same way about us. And, now that they like us, it’s much easier to feel good about them. Ahhh, a cycle of success that cannot be beat.

In answer to one part of your question, no, I don’t believe it would be phony because you are taking an action with the desired result that it  will add value to the lives of everyone involved. Sure, you could wait for them to change on their own (“if he’s nice to me first”) but, since they are living in their own paradigm and are most likely unconscious of such, it is up to you to set – or reset – the matrix.

This is different than what we’ve discussed in previous articles regarding positive expectation of others. Here, we are talking about you, and you changing. And, there’s no reason you can’t change your mind-set to feel good about him first. In Part Two we’ll discuss this idea a bit further.