I’ll never forget – as a young television reporter in 1982 for ABC affiliate KTEN TV in Ada, Oklahoma – first hearing about the Tylenol Murders. Somehow, numerous bottles of Extra-Strength Tylenol had been poisoned. At first, the scare (understandably) caused a nosedive in sales. However, the expert, amazingly-transparent manner in which it was handled by Johnson & Johnson leadership not only stopped the sales hemorrhage, but actually resulted in in the company’s consumer trust level going sky high, which has continued to this day.

Unfortunately, not all companies – even those with a proven track record of quality – handle every situation so well.

My great friend, Libby Gill, former Branding Brain for the Dr. Phil Show and author of three excellent books, shares with us her thoughts about one company that fell short of the mark:

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“As former PR chief and spokesperson for Sony, Universal and Turner Broadcasting, I did my fair share of spin doctoring and damage control with the press. So I’ve been watching Toyota’s media circus regarding the “sudden acceleration” in the Camry, Prius and Lexus like a hawk.

“Now that Toyota’s CEO has issued a public apology, it looks like they’re on the way to digging out of the negative press.  They’re a good company with a strong track record, so I have no doubt they’ll eventually recover.  But they made a critical error that could have been avoided.  And it’s one that you should avoid at all costs.

“Instead of being proactive, Toyota was reactive.  They waited until the pressure was on – and 19 people had died – before they acknowledged their responsibility.  As the PR pro’s would say, they failed to get in front of the story.  Instead, they responded because they had to, not because they cared about their customers.  At least that’s the way it looks.

“The lesson for all of us, entrepreneurs and executives alike, is that it’s not just how you deal with a problem, but when you deal with it that counts.  If you make a mistake, you’ve got to step up, be accountable and fix it immediately.   In fact, it’s the immediacy with which you take corrective action that creates the perception of caring in the minds of your customers.

“Wanna know how your customers and clients perceive you?  Just click here and check out the Cool Tools section. You’ll find a great exercise to help you See Yourself as Others See You.”

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Libby Gill is an executive coach, international speaker and author of the bestselling You Unstuck: Mastering the New Rules of Risk-taking in Work and Life.  You can learn more about her and even join her coaching community.

In Part One, we met Michael J. Maher, a titan in the field of real estate sales. A hugely successful producer and leader, we saw that one of his major character traits was his  “other-focus.” His business card told the story:  “We’re not #1…YOU are.®”

But lest we think that is an anomaly, I assure you it is not. The fact is, most genuinely great leaders and top producers are very much like that. And, while they might be few and far between (after all, they are in that 1-5 percent), they’re also not hard to find. Other-Focused superstars in the business world are the rule. Are there exceptions to that rule? Certainly there are. But, that’s life; it has its exceptions. What we want to focus on is the general rule.

Which, brings up a question, “Could that genuine caring and focus on others really be the key determining factor between the average/good…and those at the very top?

Let’s look at the three Key areas where most would think the difference lay.

1. Belief in product/service, mission: That would seem to be the key, wouldn’t it? But, it isn’t. Many average and decent producers believe in what they are selling just as much as those at the top. Belief is important. It’s just not the determining factor.

2. Product Knowledge: Don’t the superstars know their products inside and out? Yes, they do. And, so do many of the average and good players. Again, important? Very! Just not that which makes the difference.

3. Sales Skills: Ahh, the mega salespeople absolutely study sales. They know the skills, methods, techniques, and everything in that genre, right? Right. And, you know what? So do many of the average and good sales people. Some even more-so than their counterparts who set sales records. Important? Yep. Determining factor? Nope.

Please don’t misunderstand; proficiency – extreme proficiency in all three of the above areas; belief, product knowledge and sales skills is extremely vital.

However, they’re merely the baseline. Like the baseball player who can hit, run and field, those are needed just to be invited into the game.

The difference; the x-factor; that which separates the top pros from the rest of the field is the focus. They are totally and wholeheartedly interested in and focused on the other person, and that person’s needs, wants and desires.

When it comes right down to it, the sales (and leadership) superstar understands this basic rule of sales:

“It isn’t about you; it’s about them.” Or, as Michael J. Maher summed it up so perfectly, “We’re not #1…YOU are.®”

It was an honor to have coffee the other day (at Dunkin’ Donuts, of course) with a legend in the real estate profession.

I’d heard of Michael J. Maher but knew little about him. We had some mutual friends from Kansas City, which is where he lives.  Due to an intense work week in preparation of the release of John David Mann’s and my newest book, I wasn’t even able to make the 30 minute drive three towns up the road from me where he was speaking at a charity fundraising event. I felt terrible about that but knew I couldn’t be away for that long.

He found himself a car and drove down to meet me, after being stood up by the original person who had promised to drive him down.

Humble as can be, he was absolutely more interested in knowing about me and my work than he was in telling me about his. He asked genuinely inquisitive questions, and kindly shared his philosophy about business, those he works with, and the customers and clients he serves.

I found out from other people I spoke with afterward that he is one of real estate’s heavy hitters, a mega-producer who received over 500 referrals last year and accounted for 216 transactions!

This is in real estate, mind you; not exactly a booming industry these days. And all but three of those sales came by the traditional methods, no shortcuts.

I then heard an interview he did with my friend, Jim Sahnger. Easy to see why he’s so exceptional at what he does.

His business card has one statement on it that captures him and – as far as I’ve ever been able to tell – is the single biggest trait or characteristic that sets people like Michael apart from the rest of the pack. It said:

We’re not #1…YOU are. ®

In Part Two, we’ll dig a bit deeper into this one key factor and look at a few others that would seem to be more significant than they actually are.

In Part One we discussed the fact that often what most throws us off-balance in terms of a verbal attack is its suddenness; the surprise factor. If we’re not expecting it and not prepared, it can cause us to either lash back (react) or submissively take it without any type of response at all. Neither of those are productive.

A solution to this, then, is to practice and prepare. Visualize what something like this might look like and see yourself calmly responding in a way that disarms the person and the situation, and serves everyone involved, ensuring both parties come out a winner.

Now, let’s look at some language we can use within the response. I can tell you both from firsthand experience and the many people who’ve learned this from studying my “Winning Without Intimidation” audio series…this works!

A customer/friend/co-worker family member, whomever is in a bad mood and approaches you in an angry, challenging manner. They unleash a small verbal assault.  What do you do?

First, again, you respond by maintaining control of yourself and your emotions. Remain calm, take a deep breath and hear them out. Display interest in what they are saying, but show no emotion. When they finally pause, simply use these words:

“I…might possibly owe you an apology. I don’t know. Did I say or do something to offend you?”

There will now be several very long seconds of silence, as they realize the inappropriateness of their actions. More than likely they’ll answer, “No, I’m sorry, I’m just in a bad mood (or had a bad day, etc.).  I’m really sorry.”

Now you can let them know, “I understand. I’ve had those myself. Is there anything I can do to help?”

WOW – another case of taking that lemon, turning it into sweet lemonade and, without question, taking a potential enemy and turning them into a friend.

That’s strength!

You’re verbally assaulted, either by someone you know, or even the complaining customer you just met. And, you don’t handle it well; either shouting right back or simply taking it; only afterward realizing just the right response.

Yes, even while beginning to master the art of positive persuasion, we can still be “thrown off” when verbally attacked. The reason is simply the surprise itself. Let’s look at how to prepare for these attacks so the surprise factor will not be able to get the best of you. Then we’ll check out some specific language you can use to effectively diffuse the situation and bring it under control, and have  your antagonizer virtually eating out of your hands.

Brian from New Jersey writes, “I find I can be in a disagreement with someone and really use your methods to mutual advantage. That’s not the issue. My problem is when I’m verbally attacked right from the beginning. Someone comes at me and starts yelling at me, and I just react and blow my top. Then, of course, it goes downhill from there. Any advice?”

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Brian, the greatest thing about your question, and what I appreciate most about it, is your recognizing this as a challenge. Excellent first step. I’ve been there and can relate. Please know that once you master yourself in this area, you’ll be much more effective and productive, both for yourself and for others. There’ll be no stopping you!

Near the end of your question you said you “react” and blow your top. That’s right. Reacting will do that, which is why it’s much more productive to train yourself to “respond” instead.

So, how do you effectively handle a verbal attack, diffuse it, and turn the situation 180 degrees?

Two suggestions: First is to mentally rehearse a situation in which someone verbally attacks you. See yourself, in your mind’s eye, responding with calmness and serenity, completely in control of your own emotions and thus, in control of the situation. If you can do it in your mind, you can do it in a real-life situation.

Just as an astronaut training for a mission goes through numerous simulations before ever actually going into space, you’ll find rehearsing in your mind before the event ever takes place puts  you nine steps ahead of the game…in a ten-step game.

In the next article, we’ll see one example of how this mental rehearsal, plus the right words and attitude, can absolutely turn your attacker into your advocate.