Thus far, in our series on gossip, we’ve covered five methods of, not only breaking our own negative habit, but helping others to do the same.

But, just because we’ve improved – perhaps dramatically – in a certain area, doesn’t mean we’re perfect. In fact, based on my own life, I can definitely say perfection is not an option.

So, if (or when) you slip up and find yourself gossiping, don’t berate yourself. It’s okay to feel a little badly about it, but don’t emotionally beat yourself up. Instead, take the following steps:

#1. Acknowledge your mistake (you’re only human, after all).

#2. Amend your mistake by apologizing both to your Creator (if this relates to your belief system), and, if possible, to the person you harmed with your words (this isn’t always possible without further hurting them so – depending upon the unique and individual situation – be careful in your decision).

#3. Decide and be determined not to do it again.

#4. Rinse and (DON’T) repeat. The next time a similar situation comes up where you have a chance to gossip and you don’t do it, you’ll know you’ve taken a huge step. Congratulations!

And, if instead, you mess up again? Repeat the above four-steps. You’ll get the hang of it…and you’ll be healthier and happier as a result.

Of course, you can always review the past three articles whenever you feel you need a refresher in overcoming the gossip habit.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Speech is power.” It is. It truly is. And, like every other principle of life, it can be used for good or for evil, to help or to harm, as a blessing or as a curse. It is up to you and me; all of us, to use that power in a way that benefits and builds instead of denigrates and destroys.

I’d love to hear your personal stories regarding anything we’ve discussed in this series. Of course, don’t mention names, other than yours. And, if it would help for you to remain anonymous, that’s fine, too.

While this series now ends, we’ll be back with more on this topic down the road.

In Parts One and Two we explored the first four steps to overcoming the Gossip Habit. They include Awareness, Decision, Avoidance and Action. Now, let’s actually turn a potentially negative situation into something good.

#5 Play the “Reverse Gossip” Game

This is where, when someone says something negative about someone, you relate a good point or characteristic of theirs, instead. Pat says, “Tom is really lazy.” You respond, “I’ve never noticed that. Sure has a good way with people, doesn’t he?” Caution: Be very tactful. Appearing antagonistic will only lead to argument and more negative talk.

Taking this to another level, if two people constantly express their mutual dislike in the form of gossip,  say something complimentary to each one about the other, get them to agree, and then share that. Ahhh, “Reverse Gossip” at its best. You might just make peace between them, which is one of the most righteous deeds a human being can perform.

Here’s how it might play out…

John: Mary is really lazy.

You: I’ve never noticed that.  She is talented, wouldn’t you agree?

John (Grudgingly): Yes, I guess so.

Later you see Mary in the coffee area and the conversation goes as follows…

You: I was talking with John earlier. He was saying you are very talented (after all, he did agree to that, didn’t he?).

Mary: Wow! I didn’t know he thought that of me. I’ve always felt he was very judgmental and snobby.

You: Hmm, never picked up on that. Really hard worker, isn’t he?

Mary: Well, I guess you have to give him credit for that.

The next day you and John are talking and you happen to mention…

You: Mary was talking about how hard a worker you are.

John: Really? Didn’t think she liked me, but maybe she’s not so bad after all.

Now, the next time John and Mary cross paths they both see each other in an entirely different light, with a completely different attitude and set of expectations – one of peace, enjoyment, and kindness. And it all happened because of you.

So far, great. Not only have we licked our own gossip habit; we’re helping others with theirs, as well. But, what happens when you fall back into old ways? It’s certainly happened to me.  We’ll look at that in the next installment.

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In Part One we defined Gossip as “Any type of harmful or hurtful communication that is not absolutely necessary to share.”

In discussing the five steps necessary to break this destructive habit, we saw that Step #1 was to be aware that you have this problem, and Step #2 was to make the decision to overcome it. Let’s continue.

#3 Build a Fence, or, “Don’t Bring Home The Oreo’s”

In Other words, as much as you are able to, keep away from situations that usually lead to gossip. In the same way that a fence will hopefully keep an unwelcome neighbor from entering your property, or not keeping Oreo cookies in your home will keep you from indulging in an 11:00 junkfood snack, avoiding “gossip-laden” situations will help you to resist that particular temptation.

#4 As David Bowie Sang, “Ch-Ch-Ch-Change” (the subject, that is)

Whether talking to an individual or to a group, if you sense gossip about to be spoken (or it just has been), quickly – yet smoothly and tactfully – change the subject. Don’t insult, put down or embarrass the person who’s talking; just simply change the direction. How to think of something on the spot to change it to? That’s where preparation comes into play.

Have, in your mind, several topics, recent events, or other happenings (non-gossipy, of course) into which you can easily segue. If this fails to stop the gossip, simply politely excuse yourself and exit stage left (or right). If they ask why you are leaving. you can either suggest (kindly) that talking about others makes you feel uncomfortable, or you can simply say you need to leave. You are telling the truth; you DO need to leave…in order to avoid listening to gossip.

In the next article, we’ll look at the fifth and final step; this one actually “reversing” the process…in a good way.

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Let’s define Gossip as “Any type of harmful or hurtful communication that is not absolutely necessary to share.”

Of course, there are those rare instances where negative information is necessary to communicate but that would not be gossip. And, even that comes with very strict rules and guidelines. (We’ll discuss that in a future article.)

Gossip, as defined above, ruins lives, destroys reputations, splits families, alienates friends and co-workers, and generally infects any type of organization where it is introduced.

With the above definition in mind, it can legitimately be said that there is nothing positive about gossip

Gossip hurts everyone. Everyone!

So, how to we break our own habit of gossiping, as well as discourage others from doing so in a kind, tactful  way. The following five steps will help.

#1 Be Aware:

Like any habit, problem, or sickness, we must first be aware we have it before we can make a decision to rid it from our lives. I was, for many years, very much a gossip. I unintentionally hurt a lot of people; most of all, myself (though I feel worse about the others since I deserved the hurt).

One day about 15 years ago, while reading a book  that had a section on that topic, it suddenly hit me “right between the eyes” that what I was reading about was me. While this discovery was very upsetting, it was the epiphany I needed and turned out to be the beginning of a huge change in my life, and level of happiness.

#2 Make a Decision

Yes, at that point, I made a conscious decision to end that very destructive habit, no matter what it took. If this is you, you can do the same. Decide right now that, despite the fact that it’s become a comfortable and familiar part of your life, you are going to stop it, right now!

If you feel that it’s impossible to go “cold turkey” then take it step-by-step. Decide to speak 10 percent less gossip per day for the next week, then another 10 percent, then another, and so on. Or, don’t gossip about certain things that you usually do. Begin by cutting out altogether, or cutting down significantly, all gossip around the office. Then, about friends or family.

We’ll pick this back up in the next article. Meanwhile, is this something you can relate to? Do you know of someone else it relates to? If so, don’t share it. That would be gossip. Hopefully, however, the information we’re covering will help you to be able to eventually help them.

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There’s no logical reason why this particular post should be so difficult for me to write. After all, I’m simply announcing something that brings me great joy; the official release of my awesome coauthor, John David Mann’s and my new book, Go-Givers Sell More.

The difficulty has nothing to do with announcing the release. Rather, it’s in trying to adequately express my appreciation to all of you who – knowing our goal is for the book to debut on the major bestsellers lists – have amazingly taken it upon yourselves to promote it to those in your spheres of influence and constantly cheer us on with your encouragement.

Yes, the numbers have been great thus far. As of this post, the book is ranked #140 overall (#7 in Professional, #27 in Business) on Amazon.com and even higher (#101) on Barnes&Noble.com.

Will it hit number One on either? Will it hit the major bestseller lists next week; our chief short-term goal? Who knows? We’re certainly giving it our best.

But that’s just part of the story.

Yes, the team behind this launch, including our amazing publisher, Penguin/Portfolio with Adrienne Schultz, Maureen Cole, Brooke Carey, Nick Owen are phenomenal.

Our book-marketing mastermind, Thom Scott has certainly engineered still another amazing book launch. And, Kathy Zader has jumped through the hoops of technology to get everything working properly.

But, it’s YOU we ALL thank. Because it’s you, our partners on Team Go-Giver who are making this campaign and launch what it is. Your friendship, support, sharing and encouragement have been the “X” Factor. And, we know that; we thank you for it.

Thus, my big problem here is simply:

How do I adequately express  just how grateful I am to you?

I can’t.  So, let me simply say “Thank you”…and ask you to please multiply that as much as you can possibly imagine. It still won’t cover the extent of my gratitude, but it will be a good start.