When You Must Go “Over Their Head”
A reader from Ohio asked, “As nice as I try to be, sometimes it just happens that the person at, for example, the front desk is not helping to solve my problem. There are times when I must go ‘over their head’ and talk to the manager or supervisor. How do I do that without creating ill will or future confrontation with that person and still get the results I need from their manager who might think I’m being one of those difficult customers?
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What a great question. The good news is that this type of situation is actually quite simple to work with and, from now on, you’re going to feel great about being to handle it almost effortlessly.
First, let’s face it; regardless of how proficient you’ve become at the art of positive persuasion there are times your just not going to be able to move someone to your side of the issue. In these instances, you might need to kindly bypass that person and speak with someone in a position of higher authority who can decide your way. That’s fine, providing you do it correctly, does not offend the first person and sets you up correctly with the next person you speak to.
Here are two steps you can take to get what you want, and make everyone happy in the process.
#1 Place the blame on yourself. For example: “I’m awfully sorry to be putting you in this position; it might be easier for you if I were to talk to your supervisor personally. That will take you off the hook. What’s his or her name?”
In phrasing it this way, you have honored the current person and not put them in a defensive position where they feel the need to make you the “bad guy” to their supervisor. You let him or her off the hook by both your words, and your attitude. He or she will be ready to be more helpful to you next time you visit.
Still, typically, when a supervisor is called, they are expecting a scowling, complaining, argumentative “opponent.” Instead…
#2 Greet with a smile, a pleasant countenance and the right words. Take a Step toward him with your hand outstretched and say, “I’m Carol James, thank you so much for coming out to see me, I know you’re very busy.”
Wow! Talk about disarming that person, and positioning yourself as someone they “want” to do for.
So, if you’re dealing with someone with whom you are simply not going to get the results you need without going over their head, then do it…go over their head, but do so with tact, kindness, class and in such a way that everyone possible gets to be and feel part of the solution.
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* Based on the kind suggestion of Deborah Stewart below, it reminds me that an important part of this is the ability to be in control of your own emotions. I should have provided a link to my article series on “Responding vs. Reacting.”
How beautifully tactful! Positioning yourself as the bad guy – clever. Disarming the supervisor with a smile – more clever. Words of wisdom for sure. And will work. Unless…
…you are mad.
Good luck playing the bad guy if someone has triggered your “poor customer service” hot button. Good luck twisting your face into a positive countenance when everything in you is screaming “this is unfair!” (no offence Bob) Because let’s face it, that anger surge will shutdown your intelligence in an instant – IF ..IF you are not prepared for it. And that’s the key.
The key is to become intimately familiar with your anger triggers. All of them. In fact, I recommend that you list them. Acknowledge them. Then decide in advance how you will respond the next time your button gets pushed. Because there will be a next time.
The point is to put yourself in a position of control when you are angry; to stay composed despite the surging adreline and cortisol. Activate an interior monologue that says “OK Deb, stay calm here. Focus on the goal, the solution. Breathe” THEN, yes then, put a smile on your face, reach out your hand, and say “Hello I’m Deb Stewart…”
Thanks Bob for letting me add my opinion to your excellent advice.
Bob, no comment here, just correcting my email address for you.
Hi Deborah,
You make a great point. I should have actually mentioned this and provided a link to a three-part series I previously blogged about on this topic. You can read it at http://www.burg.com/2009/12/responding-versus-reacting-part-one/.
Take a look. I hope you enjoy it. And, I’ll go back to the article and add a few words with the appropriate link. Thank you for your excellent suggestion.
I’m from NY. And my natural, knee-jerk reaction is to be super-direct and impatient.
So I’ve learned to breathe deeply for about three seconds (the three second pause), then ask myself “What is the best way to get what I want while being kind?”
I love your response above, Bob, and will personalize it for my style, and keep it handy for the next time my NY knee-jerk response would provide a less pleasant response : )
Bob,
If only every consumer/customer would take this tact in dealing with issues. I love the idea of shifting the emotion to kindness rather than frustration.
It’s also a profound lesson for organizations. I refuse to call our welcome center staff, “the front line” — we are not at war with anyone, we are here to serve. They are empowered to resolve ANY customer complaint in addition they are not to serve as “gatekeepers” for our leadership staff.
Also, I welcome member issues — it is a profound source of information and opportunities for innovation. I praise them, thank them — bring it. I fear those I don’t hear from that simply cancel and disappear, I refer to that as the silent but deadly.
As a consumer and those serving them — we’re going to screw up, let’s just give each other the opportunity to make it right.
Mike
Like Deborah, I too have a difficult time when my anger buttons are pushed. I suggest that everyone dealing with difficulties like this reads Bob’s Blog (in reply above) about “Responding versus Reacting”. Taking the suggested action that Bob identifies will help you to become intimately familiar with your anger triggers, as Deborah suggests. I will have no shortage of improvement information to review, Renee (my wife) will make certain of that, LOL.
Joe
Thank you Ava. It says a lot about you that you recognize it and that you’ve already instituted a “personal system” to help you work with it. Way to go!
Mike, I love everything you wrote, including your change of wording regarding your welcome center staff. Amazing how a change of wording can also account for a change in attitudes. Great teaching.
Joe, thanks. You and Renee are both two of the most terrific people I know.
Bob,
Fantastic bit of advice. My tactic when dealing with supervisors, or people who otherwise have access or authority that the original person didn’t, has always been to stay at a pleasant and polite level, even when they might not be feeling so pleasant and polite. It’s amazing how true that maxim is: “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Sometimes, when someone is having a bad day, just having reassurance that not everyone is out to sabotage their mood is enough to bring them around. Also, I always cringe when I see someone making a scene or acting in an unpleasant manner.
When I worked as both a basic employee and in a supervisor role, the manner in which I was approached went a long way in deciding how willing I would be to help out a customer or client. I didn’t intentionally set out to be more difficult, but when someone was polite to me, I was more willing to explore alternate avenues for satisfying their requests or to offer them a larger sacrifice on the part of the company.
Josh
Excellent advice, Joshua; all the way around. Thank you for sharing!
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