Comments on: Qualifiers…For People Who Don’t Like to Be Told What to Do

By: Heather

Heather — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 14:24:17 +0000

Nice point about honoring the unigueness in each person, and validation a person’ s self, Dixie. Thanks! A light bulb of understanding came on for me.

Great post, as usual Bob. You make being excellent look easy. That trait alone is enough to let me know that someone has mastered something. You are a master, Bob.

By: Dixie Gillaspie

Dixie Gillaspie — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:11:15 +0000

Great way to shine a spotlight on “it’s not what you say…” and Tom makes an excellent point, it is the ego that we prick when we suggest (with the BEST of intentions) that there might be a “better” way. Since a healthy ego is simply our sense of self as unique from other people I find that I am more likely to be heard when I honor that sense of self. So I might start with something I have heard THEM say already but with the disclaimer that I might have misunderstood and then am very clear that it is a SUGGESTION not an OPINION. So it goes something like this… “Tom, I think I heard you say that what you really want to have happen is _______ but maybe I misunderstood?” I wait for clarification or validation from Tom. “I wonder what would happen if we/you tried ___________ – do you think we/you could make it happen that way?” I find what often comes from that is that THEY suddenly have a great idea and it isn’t always exactly what I suggested but it is usually close. Since I care more about outcome than credit everyone wins!

By: Jennifer Wideman

Jennifer Wideman — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 02:17:59 +0000

I’ve been taught to associate a suggestion given with people or situations the person has voiced they want to be like or participate in.

For instance,

“Leaders within our organization who have followed these simple steps find that they have significant success.”

“Learning new things is not always comfortable, but every successful entrepreneur understands that to be successful themselves, they had to follow in the footsteps of others first.”

What is the recipient going to say “Well, I’m not a leader!” or “I don’t want to be successful!”

Worked like a charm on me, works like a charm on my team members who really desire to win!

Thanks Bob,

Jennifer

By: Nancy Matthews

Nancy Matthews — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 14:48:40 +0000

Great piece (as usual) Bob – thanks for bringing up this valuable topic.
When I’m working with clients (and even friends and family for that matter) – I use the “Feel, Felt, Found” Qualifer…..

I understand how you feel and have felt the same (or similar), what I found is …….

Also, I’m often able to personally relate something the other is going thru and share that “I don’t know if you felt this way, but when I ….., I felt …..” opening the door of acceptance for what they are experiencing.

Last, but certainly not least, refrain from “should-ing” on people, much more effective and palatable to “suggest”.

TTFN – Nancy