Like many of the good things in life, “Thoughtfulness” (thoughtful…i.e,  thought full) is not only a nice way to be, it will also come in handy as one of your most effective people skills.

Thoughtfulness is a simple enough concept; yet not always easy to apply.  Once mastered, however, it is the greatest gift you can give; and not just to friends and loved ones on special occasions and holidays…but to everyone, ALWAYS. And, as you become consistently thoughtful of and to others, you’ll find that most will go out their way to please you, as well.

Thoughtfulness – authentic, genuine, caring thoughtfulness – is a habit; internalized, it becomes a way of life, a part of our being.  But it does take practice.

Where do we start? In our daily lives.  Good practice exercises make themselves available constantly throughout the day. Do this consciously for as long as it takes to become a part of your being. It won’t take very long (according to the expert you study, either 21 days or 30).

Thoughtful people don’t wait, they “create” opportunities to make life brighter and more enjoyable for those around them.

But, how? Simple things.  Holding the door open for anyone near you, regardless of gender or appearance.  Soon, it’s automatic, and even comes with a smile (and a smile back in return).

When a baby in a restaurant is making a bit more noise than is comfortable, and you see the parent looking embarrassed, smile and comment on how cute the baby is.

A thoughtful person is always quick to pay a sincere* compliment (especially to those who don’t often receive them), realizing the value it sometimes has beyond the obvious!

{*Shh, don’t tell anyone but, sometimes, in order to help someone to feel good about themselves and provide them a foundation for such, it’s even okay for the compliment to not be totally 100 percent genuine.}

As you are about to pour your coffee at the local convenience store, and spot the next customer in line waiting for you to finish, offer to pour the coffee into their cup first. He or she will be amazed (believe me!) and delighted. They’ll have learned something as well, and possibly do the same for another person tomorrow.

A thoughtful person parks a bit further from the entrance to the store or the post office, leaving closer spaces for those not as nimble, not covered by handicap status, or really in a hurry.

You might ask, “Why should I do that? Nobody will know why I’m doing this.”

Two reasons: Number one, it’s simply the right thing to do, which makes you feel better about yourself, which in turn enhances self-esteem.

Number two, as touched on earlier, by repeating thoughtful acts, they become habitual. Then, when it really counts, you’ll already be doing them naturally. Not only will you make the world a kinder place in which to live, but because of the precedent you’ve set with people, they’ll go out of their way to make you happy, as well.

Amazing how it works. Again, try it until it becomes natural. I guarantee you’ll see a delightful – and dramatic – difference in your relationship with the world.

Last month I was asked by my friend, small business strategist, Sarah Robinson to write a blog post for a special series she was putting together entitled, “30 Days to Changing Your Game.” I would be one of 30 guest writers, each with our own “spin” on this topic.

Yesterday was Day Seven of her series, and yours truly was up to bat. Here is my post, if you’d like to read it.

We had tons of responses; the “Lists of Five Ways” that people came up with were truly impressive. After you read some of theirs, please share with us some of your own.

Enjoy!

Yesterday on Twitter and then on Facebook I posted the following:

“Sales Suggestion: Unless you’re talking baseball, leave

the word “pitch” totally out of your vocabulary.”

I’d also add removing it from your consciousness.

Why does that one little word bother me (and many other sales professionals) so much?

Well, because words are important. I remember first learning from the great sales trainer Tom Hopkins, in his book, How to Master The Art of Selling that some words instill a prospect with confidence and other words cause fear and concern. “Pitch” would be in the second category.

Think about it. What is the most noted use of the word, “pitch” (singers and roofers please forgive me)? That’s right; an action taken by a pitcher in baseball And, what is the pitcher’s job? To strike the batter out.

In other words, a pitch is something you do to someone and not with good intent.

In sales, you’re doing something for someone (or, even with someone) with the best intent; adding value to their lives.

“Okay, but, does it really hurt to use that word when you’re not in front of a prospect or customer?”

I believe it does, for two reasons:

First, if you’re using it, that is how you’re thinking of the sales process, whether you realize it consciously or not.

Secondly, if you’re using it when you’re not in front of someone you shouldn’t use it in front of, you’ll probably one day mistakenly use it in front of someone you shouldn’t use it in front of.

Habits are key.

So, what would be a good replacement word for “pitch?”

How about “presentation.”

Do you agree? Disagree? Am I being to word-focused? I’d love to know your thoughts.

In yesterday’s post, we learned how to effectively work with one kind of “Controlling Prospect.” This person’s way of controlling you and the presentation is to ask questions in rapid-fire succession, quick and unrelenting, firing off another one as soon as you answer the current one. This is intended to keep you, the salesperson, off-balanced and defensive.

Now knowing how to handle that situation, let’s look at how to work with another type of controlling prospect. This person not only demands that you quickly answer their questions; they don’t want you to ask your own questions, and become angry when you do.

Allow me to reconstruct a presentation I was making to an extremely controlling dentist and his wife back in my in-home selling days. He would ask me questions and, instead of my answering quickly, as he desired, I attempted to ask him questions that would help me to analyze their needs for the product I was then selling.

Suddenly, he said, “Listen, I’m the customer – I’ll ask you the questions, and you give me straight answers, okay!?” (If you’re thinking, “Why take that abuse – why not just leave then and there?” there were two reasons. First, back then, I really needed the money and prospects such as he were a definite part of my job. Secondly, what would have been the fun in leaving?)

Me (gently): That’s fine (always agree first), but aren’t you a dentist?

Dentist (a bit bewildered at my question): Yeah, why?

Me (with a look of confusion on my face): If I’m sitting in your dentist’s chair as a patient with an excruciatingly painful tooth-ache, you’re going to ask me questions such as, “which tooth hurts?” and “how long have you been feeling discomfort?” and other pertinent questions, right?

Doc: Yeah, so what?

Me (tactfully): Now, what if I said to you “I’m the patient, I’ll ask the questions – you just fix the tooth.” Wouldn’t that make it sort of difficult for you to help me?

As I said that to him, he and his wife began to chuckle, we all smiled and he replied, “Yes, I see what you mean.”

Briefly, if/when this ever happens to you (and, really, it probably won’t very often), relax, don’t be intimidated, and in a very diplomatic fashion, have a question in mind that will gently but immediately move your prospect to understanding why it’s in their best interest for you to ask questions.

Every so often you’ll find yourself in front of a “controlling prospect.” This is a person who wants to show you who is boss (and, as far as they’re concerned, it ain’t you!) . They’ll do this by asking questions – often in rapid succession – demanding fast answers. They will also demand that you answer questions, not ask them.

Today, we’ll talk about the first one; that of the rapid-fire, and how to nicely and gently gain and maintain a benevolent environment.

Although it’s often good to converse with your prospect at a similar rate of speed as they are talking, this may not be helpful in a rapid-fire situation. In this case, you need to slow down in order to get them to slow down. Once they see you won’t be intimidated into matching their speed, they’ll most likely slow down, as well, for their own comfort.

In other words, when they begin to rapid-fire, you just take your time, and have that look on your face as though you are really thinking their question through before responding (which you are). Then, rather slowly, give a thought-out response (of course, while respectfully letting them know within your answer that their question was good and valid). Then ask your own question of them.

Do this just a couple of times, and you will either gain their total respect and cooperation, or they will have to ask you why you won’t just answer their question quickly. At that point, you can gently let them know you value them enough as a person and a potential client to give them the best information you possibly can, as opposed to the fastest.

In the next article, we’ll look at how to work with the controlling prospect who demands you only answer – not ask – questions.

Have you ever had a prospect do this to you? Were you able to respond instead of react? Let us know.