Now that we’ve explored the difference between “Responding and Reacting” and how it applies in real-life situations, let’s look at how mastering the trait of, what I call, “Response Consciousness” can result in a significantly more joyful and less stressful life.
Short-term, you’ll find yourself much more comfortable and relaxed knowing that you can handle any potentially difficult situation that comes your way. You’ll do so without being “thrown off track” and you’ll feel good about yourself having handled it correctly. (Which, I can assure you from personal experience, doesn’t mean you won’t mess up from time-to-time). 🙂
Long-term, you’ll have a true, inside-out feeling of self-confidence having handled countless situations that previously would have thrown you for a loop and perhaps upset your entire day.
So, how do you develop “Response Consciousness?” The same way you develop any other skill; you practice. First, set a goal for yourself to live in this type of consciousness. Then come up with a plan. For example:
Imagine situations where you’ll have the opportunity to respond instead of react and see yourself doing it perfectly. Like an astronaut simulating a flight, this will serve as great practice.
Write the words, “Respond vs. React” on yellow sticky notes and put them in places where you’ll constantly see them; your phone, your computer, your bathroom mirror, etc.
Focus on responding to normally difficult situations and people throughout the day, taking pleasure in your victories (over yourself). Remember, each small success trains – actually, retrains – your brain, allowing continued success in future similar situations.
Keep score at the end of each day by grading yourself anywhere from a ten (perfect) to a one. Don’t get frustrated with low beginning scores, but take great pleasure in seeing the scores get higher and higher every day. And they will.
You won’t have to go through the vistioning, sticky-note and scoring process forever; only until you’ve reached a high enough level of proficiency. After that, only general awareness is required.
For many of us (myself included), this is an ongoing journey and it takes practice.
It’s also worth it. Very, very worth it!
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{Note: My thanks to Zig Ziglar for first introducing me to the concept of “Responding vs. Reacting” 25 years ago in one of his books and audio programs. That one thought has made a huge difference in my life.}
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We can be “reactive based on emotion” or “proactive based on spirit”. I have people tell me five adjectives or descriptive phrases that describe how they would like to be most of the time. The answers come from their “spiritual knowing” and this is ultimately their moral/relational map. I agree, mindfulness and ongoing practice is the key! The term “Response Consciousness” is a great “anchor”. Thanks!
Thanks for this thought provoking series, Bob. For me, it’s important that I take, what I call a “three second” pause, before responding. This enables me to move beyond “the knee jerk” reaction, get fully present, and engage my brain before I respond.
It increases the likelihood that I will respond in a way that is aligned with my values and with who I really am. It increases the likelihood I will get the result I want. It decreases the likelihood my “knee jerk response” will take me in a direction I don’t want to go.
The stories people tell me about using this tool after I’ve shared it with an audience are quite amazing.
Thanks for this series. Integrating this awareness in our lives has the potential for greater impact than anything else I know. It requires that we live in the here and now, which is the only time and place that Spirit can work through us. It also asks that we be looking for what is great in any situation, rather than judging what is wrong or missing. The frame we hold in our expectations, and the reframe we create through the meaning we give to our circumstances determine our level of happiness and effectiveness. As you said, it requires practice, its about progress and not perfection, and all the effort will be paid back in spades.
Thank you, Thomas, Ava and John for your excellent and thoughtful contributions. Much appreciated!
Bob, this was great information. I definitely feel that if we all focus on responding versus reacting we will all enjoy greater success both professional and personally. This is one of those little lessons that makes a BIG difference in every part of our lives. Thanks for putting in the work to provide such great content.
Bob – Thank you for this series. I have a pet phrase that seems to sum it up nicely;
Everybody has a “Response-Ability” and it can be increased, enhanced in all the ways you mentioned.
Live With Intention,
DrBillToth.com/blog
Hi Todd and Dr. Bill, Superb thoughts; thank you!