I remember listening to a very famous speaker at a conference who, partway through his presentation, looked out at his audience and authoritatively declared,

“If it is to be, It Is up to me.”

The audience applauded at that statement highlighting the importance of personal responsibility.

During the very next session, an equally famous speaker (it was a cool convention) , partway through his presentation, and with an air of benevolence, said,

“Nobody does it alone.”

The audience applauded at that statement highlighting the importance of teamwork and outreach.

But afterwards, in the halls and in the hotel restaurant, there was discussion about those two “opposing” thoughts.

However, they are not opposing at all, are they? In fact, they are one of those magnificent paradoxes of life: when two seemingly divergent statements or philosophies, in actuality fit together beautifully, like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

It is up to me; it’s up to you; up to him; up to her to take personal responsibility. And part of that includes taking appropriate action to connect with others in such a way that we develop relationships beneficial to all concerned.

Do you agree? And, how else do you see this playing out? We’ll take a further look in Part Two.

Now that we’ve explored the difference between “Responding and Reacting” and how it applies in real-life situations, let’s look at how mastering the trait of, what I call, “Response Consciousness” can result in a significantly more joyful and less stressful life.

Short-term, you’ll find yourself much more comfortable and relaxed knowing that you can handle any potentially difficult situation that comes your way. You’ll do so without being “thrown off track” and you’ll feel good about yourself having handled it correctly. (Which, I can assure you from personal experience, doesn’t mean you won’t mess up from time-to-time).

Long-term, you’ll have a true, inside-out feeling of self-confidence having handled countless situations that previously would have thrown you for a loop and perhaps upset your entire day.

So, how do you develop “Response Consciousness?” The same way you develop any other skill; you practice. First, set a goal for yourself to live in this type of consciousness. Then come up with a plan. For example:

Imagine situations where you’ll have the opportunity to respond instead of react and see yourself doing it perfectly. Like an astronaut simulating a flight, this will serve as great practice.

Write the words, “Respond vs. React” on yellow sticky notes and put them in places where you’ll constantly see them; your phone, your computer, your bathroom mirror, etc.

Focus on responding to normally difficult situations and people throughout the day, taking pleasure in your victories (over yourself). Remember, each small success trains – actually, retrains – your brain, allowing continued success in future similar situations.

Keep score at the end of each day by grading yourself anywhere from a ten (perfect) to a one. Don’t get frustrated with low beginning scores, but take great pleasure in seeing the scores get higher and higher every day. And they will.

You won’t have to go through the vistioning, sticky-note and scoring process forever; only until you’ve reached a high enough level of proficiency. After that, only general awareness is required.

For many of us (myself included), this is an ongoing journey and it takes practice.

It’s also worth it. Very, very worth it!

—–

{Note: My thanks to Zig Ziglar for first introducing me to the concept of “Responding vs. Reacting” 25 years ago in one of his books and audio programs. That one thought has made a huge difference in my life.}

In Part One we saw the difference between two related – but very different – terms, “Responding” and “Reacting.” Let’s take a quick look at how they played out for me personally in one particular instance.

There was plenty of room to pull safely into the parking space. Being too hurried and not paying attention as the situation called for, however, I didn’t notice the man coming out of the car parked in the next space over. I hit the brakes in plenty of time, but it gave the man a scare. He glared at me in a way that communicated being none too pleased (i.e. “if looks could kill”).

He reacted. Who could blame him? Now I had a choice; would I react to his reaction… or would I respond, thereby diffusing an otherwise uncomfortable (and potentially nasty) situation, and hopefully turning a potential enemy into a friend? I chose to respond. I immediately raised my hand with a sincere smile and mouthed, “Sorry, my fault.”

He then immediately responded with a smile and a wave of his own and said, “no problem.” Funny thing is, when I got out of my car, his words to me were actually, “sorry, I should have looked before getting out of my car.” Can you believe that??!! Actually, yes. And, while every situation is different and with its own individual nuances, the basic principle holds true across the board.

In the final article in this series, we’ll look at both the short and long-term results of living in “Response Consciousness.”

Though the words, “Respond” and “React” are similar, the difference is quite significant. I still recall, more than 20 years ago, on one of his audio programs, Zig Ziglar asking, “Did you respond well to the medication your doctor prescribed, or did you have a bad reaction?”

The Sages asked, “Who is mighty?” and answered, “He who can control his inclinations.” A later interpretation of that answer was, “He who can control his own emotions and make, of an enemy, a friend.”

When you react, you are being controlled by outside circumstances, whether a difficult situation or person. When you respond, however, you are in control of yourself, of your emotions. In other words, as my Dad says, “You’re the boss of yourself” . . . and then – and only then – are you in a position to take a potentially negative situation and turn it into something positive for you and for everyone involved.

In Part Two, we’ll look at one example of how this played out in real life.

First, though, how has it played out for you (either positively or negatively) and others you know? Let’s all learn from each other’s experiences.

My friend, Art Sobczak (pronounced Sub check), President of Business By Phone,Inc. is among the world’s most highly-regarded experts on tele-selling. But, from my years of reading his works, I can tell you he is simply an expert at sales, through-and-through. In this article (excerpted), Art briefly takes us through a terrific sales process where he was the prospect, then adds an exceptionally valuable insight:

I was looking at a couple of pieces of office furniture  from different dealers. One was more expensive than the other, but I liked it more, and the sales rep knew that.

After I hemmed and hawed awhile about hesitating because of the price, he said,

“Two years from now, after you have been enjoying this for awhile, and have forgotten what you paid for it, do you think you will have made the right choice?”

Wow, what a great question! Of course I bought it.

In one of my first corporate-life sales positions, a wise trainer said to me,

“There are no price objections, only value questions.”

WOWEE WOW! Now, that was some great advice, from the salesperson, from the trainer, and from Art.

Art, thank you for allowing me to share this.

I find I learn from every article I read from Art’s ezine and recommend it highly to anyone in sales.

So, what lessons did you take away from Art’s teaching?