Saying “No” Graciously – Part Two
In Part One, we discussed the importance of being able to say no to requests you truly don’t want to accept and doing so in such a way that you are kind and polite but leave no doubt that you are not accepting the request. It was suggested you make a point of lavishing appreciation for the “offer” while actually declining. An example might be:
“I’m honored to even be thought of in that way – that you would think highly enough of me to ask me to serve on this committee. However, I believe I’m going to respectfully decline your kind offer.”
If they persist and say, “oh, c’mon; why not?” Or, “please, we really need you” all you have to do is reply with a sincere smile and say, “I’d just rather not, but thank you SO MUCH for considering me.”
The person will understand that you’re not going to accept the position, but cannot possibly be offended because of your gracious, humble and appreciative attitude.
There is a key point, however, which actually makes this work. And, that is:
Do not make an excuse for saying no.
Please, really embrace this. It’s that important. Do not make an excuse for saying no!
Please do not say, “I don’t have time” or “I’m really not qualified,” or anything similar you might be tempted to say. If you do, they’ll attempt to answer the objection and continue to try and persuade you. And, when they overcome the objection(s) you’ll either be cornered into accepting (so that you don’t appear to be a liar) or you’ll have to “admit” that what you said wasn’t really true. You’ll lose face and they’ll resent you.
Don’t get sucked into that game. A simple answer such as the one we used earlier along with a genuine smile will accomplish your goal. That, and…no excuses.
Will this work every time? Actually, yes, so long as you maintain your polite, thankful, yet steady posture of “no thank you.”
Bonus: Once you begin training people (even those who are used to your giving in) that you are able to say no and not be bullied, coerced or guilted into doing something you don’t want to do, you will find that, from now on, all it will take is one “no” per request to not be asked again.
Bob,
This is exactly the message I needed to hear this morning… Not just saying NO but not feeling as though I need to provide an excuse for it. Saying “yes” is something I struggle with but I’m simply at a point where I cannot afford to take on anything else and really need to focus on my path. I’ll be referencing these articles in my WIN! (http://www.win-atl.com) newsletter next Monday. Thank you for posting this as precisely the right moment in my life.
-taryn
Bob, this is an awesome post – both parts 1 and 2. I definitely have a tendency to do that sometimes, but you’re right…there’s NO reason to do that. Awesome tips, thanks!
Bob, having been a salesman for 11 years and learning how to strategically overcome objections AND being a person who has struggled with almost always feeling a need to provide my own reasons for declining on occasion, I LOVE this post. Thank you for this! ~Steve
Bob, I so appreciate what you said about not needing to make excuses for saying no. Perhaps it’s our midwestern, scandinavian, make sure everybody likes you mentality that gets us in trouble! Thanks so much for the great reminder.
How often. over the years, have I said yes, then felt resentful.
Owning your life and your time requires that you have to say no to lots of things. Maturity does it in just the way you have suggested.
I’ve been doing this even on Facebook where I continue to be approached about other people’s business opportunities on a daily basis. (People who just don’t know any better yet).
In saying “no thanks, but I’m honored that you would think of me. It sounds like you have found the right situation for you and I wish you all the best”, it often turns around for them asking me what I do. Who knew?
Thanks Bob,
Jennifer Wideman
Hi Bob!
The subject of saying no graciously came at a perfect time. I have been stalling on declining a “business opportunity” offer that came from someone who I really think highly of. I did not want to offend him, yet I didn’t want to allow myself to get sucked into something that I really have no desire to do. I purposely waited for part two from you so that I could proceed with my reply to him. Not making excuses to justify your decision is “big.” I’ve know this, but needed a reminder.
~Tele
Thank you, everyone, for your kind feedback and helpful comments. Appreciated, as always!!
I have several of your printed materials. My husband and I heard you in person several years ago presenting, “Endless Referrals”. It was fantastic and made me aware to pay attention to what you say.
This is thoughtful material. It reminds me how it feels when I’ve been faced with saying “No” to a friend. I believe applying this thinking before putting a propsect to our business in such an uncomfortable situation can only help us improve relationships and lead to more referrals and friends in business. Thank you for this, Mr. Burg.
H&Shirley Kunkel
Thank you so much for your kind feedback, Shirley. Very kind of you. (And, please call me Bob)