About 25 years ago I was a news anchor for a small ABC affiliate in Oklahoma. While there, a cute young high school senior named Stacy used to come to the station, saying she wanted to be a broadcaster. While attempting to land an internship, she made herself available to help in whatever way she could (always adding value to everyone and everything).

Eventually, after I moved on, I heard she got the internship. I also learned that while still in college she worked herself up to reporter and then fulltime nightly anchor. Being a small market (we’re talking very small…we’re talking Mayberry RFD small) :-) she simultaneously worked other jobs as a way to pay for her schooling. All this while living through a very – let’s just say – dysfunctional family situation.

She won pageants for scholarships, eventually was a political consultant, mediator, wife and mom with a terrific husband and a wonderful daughter. Yep, Stacy Shelton had it all.

And, when she called me about five years ago after hearing me being interviewed, I was overjoyed to reconnect. And, we stayed in touch for about a year through email and telephone…and then I lost touch with her for the next two years.

Where had she gone? She had taken a journey to Hell. The same trip that far too many women are forced to take. Cancer. And, not only did she have it once; it came back just six months later.

In her just-released book, Me, the Crazy Woman, and Breast Cancer,  Stacy shares her horrifying experience; the outer fight with the sickness to stay alive and the fight within herself to stay sane.

She wrote this book both to give strength to those who are going through Cancer and those who are their support. While her ultimate goal is for no one to ever again have to read a book like hers, for now, she wants to use her experience to provide comfort to others.

And, I’d expect nothing less from the sweet and ambitious kid I met so many years ago in small-town Oklahama.

To find out more about Me, the Crazy Woman, and Breast Cancer visit her website.

*Postscript: I finally saw Stacy again in person. She and her beautiful and brilliant daughter, Brealyn (who is the same age now as was her Mom when I first met her) attended our 2009 Extreme Business Makeovers event in Florida. It’s there she announced that she was working on a book. Many say that; few actually do it. I knew she would though. It’s what she does. That she did it to help others didn’t surprise me one bit. That’s also what she does.

When attempting to set an appointment with a new prospect, here’s an excellent phrase to employ at the beginning of the invite:

“…you ‘may or may not’ be interested.”

Why is this so effective? Because, said with confidence and emotional posture,  you have just positioned yourself to your prospect as being both honest and non-pressure (both of which, of course, are true).

After all, a salesperson can’t get much more honest than to tell their prospect that they have something that ‘may not’ be of interest. And, with that statement, the prospect can’t possibly feel any pressure. This is an example of the “out” or “backdoor” we’ve discussed from time to time. Remember, the bigger the backdoor you give someone the option to take, the less they feel the need to take it.

Bonus: Since you’ve established your honesty so solidly, anything you say during the actual presentation has a much greater chance of being taken seriously and believed. Serious credibility.

Remember, “all things being equal, people will do business with, and refer business to, those people they know, like and trust.”

The “may or may not” phrase communicates that trustworthiness (worthy of trust).

Have you found there to be certain phrases that elicit similar trust?

This series has been based upon a saying written by my Dad nearly 60 years ago:

“To have a body does not make one a man (or woman).

To have a child does not make one a parent.”

 The premise is that we judge people based on what we see, and our decision regarding their life story is formed based on that very limited information. As such, we might wonder why they don’t embrace their obvious blessings. Or, we might take great offense when they are difficult to deal with.

How do we reframe this in order to ensure a win for everyone involved?

The good news? It’s actually very simple. The bad news? We cannot confuse something being simple with that same something being easy.

As usual, the solution begins with awareness. Without being aware of our tendency to assume, we cannot effectively deal with it.

Next is a decision to act upon this awareness. This means realizing that their unhelpful or negative attitude is more than likely not only not personal; it’s nearly always just a reflection of what they see in the mirror. Understand that they really might not like themselves.

Finally, by extending a pleasant countenance, an attitude of understanding, and even tactful encouragement, we have an opportunity to help them, and help ourselves at the same time. Of course, many of the positive persuasion methods we discuss in these posts are also effective ways to both honor their personal situation and elicit a positive outcome.

Dad has always had the gift of building confidence in people – making them feel good about themselves. And, ultimately, bringing out their best.

We can do the same. Remember that appearances can be deceiving, and that a person probably has a desire to feel better about himself or herself than they presently feel. Make the usually difficult-to-deal-with person feel good about themselves, and you’ll be adding a great deal of value both to their life and to your own.

Oh, and the unhappy child mentioned in Part Two? Typically, once the parents felt good about themselves and their relationship, the son or daughter felt likewise.

“To have a body does not make one a man (or woman). To have a child does not make one a parent.”

Thanks Pa!

In Part One we looked at a saying my Dad wrote and kept taped to the wall in his office. I remember seeing it whenever I’d go to work with him. It read:

“To have a body does not make one a man (or woman).

To have a child does not make one a parent.”

Early in his career, Dad realized that people often weren’t what they appeared to be and that you couldn’t  judge (in this case, meaning, read or understand) them by outward appearances. Though, as human beings, isn’t that exactly what we so often do?

Dad says, “A couple would walk into the gym with their child, the husband handsome and looking as though the world was his; the wife attractive, intelligent and confident-looking.

“Your first impression was that this is the perfect, happy family. Then, as you got to know them, you learned the husband had serious self-doubts, the wife did not feel at all attractive and smart, and they were both very unhappy with each other.

“Unfortunately, often the child was also not happy with himself as well. Wow, it really made you realize there’s a lot more to people than just what meets the eye.”

Isn’t that so true of the people we come across on a daily basis? We assume people are what they appear to be. And they assume same about us. The fact is, people have challenges they are constantly fighting. Some are external – most are internal. When we remember that, it helps us in dealing with the negativity that person seems to have towards us for no apparent reason. It helps us to empathize with them, and understand them.

Yet, instead, we judge the proverbial book by the even more proverbial cover? It’s been said that “we as human beings make major decisions based on very limited information?” Many moons ago – when snap decisions were often needed in order to keep one from becoming that night’s main course for an approaching animal – that instinct served us well. While, at rare times, it still does, such is no longer usually the case. Rather, it typically causes us to assume and misjudge, often with very counterproductive consequences.

In the final part of the series, we’ll look at a way to overcome this very natural tendency.

Oh, can you remember when you made a snap judgment about someone that turned out to be totally incorrect and perhaps didn’t serve you well? If so, feel free to share it with a comment.

We all intuitively know that people aren’t always – or even usually – what they seem to be. Or, at least, not all that they seem to be. Still, as we go about living our lives, awareness of this knowledge is typically not at the forefront of our minds. Thus, when we come across a difficult person we don’t stop to think what they going through, their personal difficulties, and how it might influence the way they are acting or behaving.

Many years ago, my favorite philosopher (My Daddy) wrote a two-sentence saying that became the overriding philosophy and motto of “The Academy of Physical & Social Development” – the gymnasium school he founded nearly 60 years ago.

“To have a body does not make one a man (or woman).

To have a child does not make one a parent.”

On the most basic level, this simply means that there is often a lot more to a person than what meets the eye.

Have you ever come across someone and thought, “He or she has no right or reason to act the way they do. After all, they have everything. They’ve got it made. And, yet, they seem to be as miserable as anyone else. Why is that?”

In the next article, we’ll continue along this line of thought.