Some “Twitter tweets” (still can’t get a handle on those terms) have been…er, tweeted of late asking, “are you a go-getter or a go-giver?” The implication is that, while being a go-giver is a positive thing, being a go-getter is not. So, I’d like to clarify something, if I may.

My awesome coauthor, John David Mann and I are often asked – since we titled our book The Go-Giver – if being a “go-getter” is a bad thing to be? The answer is…no, not at all. In fact, absolutely not at all. Being a go-getter is terrific!! Go-getters are generally people who make things happen, who get things done. They take action and, as you know, without action, nothing happens. (Years ago, there was an excellent book written by Peter B. Kyne entitled The Go-Getter. One of my favorites.)

The key is, while being a go-getter, to have a go-giver’s heart – a desire to, and a genuine focus on, providing value to others - which many go-getters certainly have. In other words, being one does not exclude also being the other. Thinking it does is an example of what John and I call the “treacherous dichotomy” - that often false belief of something having to one or the other. Of course, there are indeed times this is so; this just isn’t one of them.

Actually, the opposite of a go-giver is not a go-getter. The opposite of a go-giver is a go-taker, that person who feels almost entitled to take, take, take without having provided value — to the other person, to the relationship, to the process, etc. We’ve all known our share of these people, and they can be good people. But they often wonder why, though they work hard and strive for success, they rarely attain it to the level feel they deserve. And, even when they do, it’s typically short-lived.

In Chapter One of our story, Joe is described as a go-getter who’s frustrated with his lack of success. However, at first, he’s a go-getter with a go-taker’s heart. As the story progresses and he learns and embraces the Five Laws, and, just as importantly, takes immediate action on those laws, he transforms beautifully into a person who’s still a go-getter; he’s still a person of action but now he has the heart of a go-giver. And that makes all the difference.

So, to answer the currently oft-tweeted (yes, oft-tweeted) question, “Are you a go-getter or a go-giver? We hope the answer is…”yes!”

Now, just to set the record straight, I don’t know the meaning of the word “fear.”

However, I’m extremely well-acquainted with the words “terrified”, “frightened” and “brk brk brk brk brkkkkk” (sound that chickens make).

Such was the case this morning as I went in for a very simple procedure to remove a growth just above my eye.

Although I did once hear that the definition of a “simple procedure” is a procedure that is done…to someone else.

As I was lying down waiting for the doctor for what seemed a very long time, I suddenly became conscious of the fact that I really was scared. I was scared of what might happen, the pain that might be involved, a mistake the doctor might make, etc.

Yes, I became conscious of it – and consciousness is always a good thing – and because I was now conscious of it, one would think that the fear would then dissipate. But it didn’t.

None of that fear (and yes, it was indeed fear, first sentence of this article notwithstanding) was helpful. It did not solve anything. It did not make the procedure any more or any less dangerous, any more or any less painful. And, it did not hurt nor did it  improve the doctor’s skill (he did a great job).

Interesting how we can logically know all this, and truly know that the fear, in a case such as this, serves no positive purpose, and remain scared anyway.

I suddenly remembered a story from the classic, Handbook to Higher Consciousness by Ken Keyes, Jr. He tells the story of a man who was hanging onto the edge of a cliff knowing he was about to fall to his death. Suddenly he saw a delicious-looking strawberry and grabbed it with his free hand. Although he knew that in just minutes he’d be on a deadly fall, he still managed to free his mind and, in total peace and enjoyment, eat the strawberry.

Higher Consciousness? I’m not there yet.  Are you? I’d love to know your thoughts.

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In Part One   we  learned from a couple of true business geniuses that – in a business venture – speed of action and being different are two keys to success. I then suggested that in interpersonal situations (though, this would certainly also hold true for business), where the person might be difficult to persuade, we add something else; friendliness.

We do this – yes – first and fast in order to be the one to set the matrix; the context and frame of the encounter. We never give it a chance to go in a malevolent direction.

I thought of this yesterday morning while attempting to leave my condo complex. Pulling out, I noticed the city had closed off both the initial and main roads for the annual Triathlon. As I approached the woman who was guarding the exit, she did not look very happy that someone was treading on “her” territory.

As I drove near her, and as soon as I sensed she could see my face, I smiled and waved. Her reflexive response was to do the same (the neighbors will tell you this is not usually the case. Of course, the neighbors set a negative matrix  by displaying how unhappy they are with the situation). I asked her the best way to get to the main road without disrupting the race and she nicely guided me there.

Next, the police officer guarding his main road. I simply did the same thing. Immediately his defensive posture turned into a very helpful, “Sir, you can take a right here and just go around the cones. Have a nice day.”

Be first, be fast and, yes, be different…by being friendly. Remember, in a “persuasion situation” it’s up to us to set the matrix.  After all, one will be set. Let’s not leave to chance which one it will be.

Ray Kroc, of McDonald’s fame, is credited with saying, “Be first, be fast, be different.” Al Ries and Jack Trout from the original classic marketing book, Positioning: The Battle for Your Mind taught that the number one way to own a market was to be the first one in that market.

And, those are both certainly valid points from extremely talented people.

When needing to persuade someone in a potentially difficult situation, let me also suggest you be first; that being fast is indeed good, and that you be different; in this case, different being friendly, ready to turn a potential adversary into a friend.

In past articles we’ve discussed that a matrix (the premise from which everything else will originate) will always be set for an interpersonal transaction; the only two questions are:

1. What will be the spirit of that matrix be (benevolent or malevolent)?
2. Which person will set the matrix?

It’s only when you take responsibility of setting the matrix can you determine the direction and most likely outcome of the transaction.

In the next article, we’ll look at a couple of examples we can use for future transactions.

Met some new friends last Sunday at Dunkin’ Donuts. Both are in sales and met each other through their local BNI (Business Network International) organization. Both are obviously true Go-Givers and have built their businesses through a focus on providing value without concern for, or attachment to, reciprocity.

Margie does her best to help her prospects own what she sells but, when the fit is just not there, she refers them to a competitor who has what they need. One of her supervisors nearly goes out of his mind with disbelief when she does that. He can’t understand it. And he can’t believe she’s so successful.

Kevin received a referral from Margie to talk with the salespeople where Margie works about how they might be able to use his services. He didn’t receive immediate business. Meanwhile, all he did was provide value to them, continually and unceasingly. People called him naïve. Why would he do that? However, when he finally got their buy-in…

Does being a Go-Giver have positive results in the real world? Does taking the focus off of yourself and placing it on others really work? Only according to very successful people. To everyone else, it’s simply naïve.

Do you think it’s just a matter of Karma or are there practical reasons why those who focus on serving others seems to consistently outperform those who only think of themselves?

Let us know your thoughts.