I fully agree with Bob’s wise words !
I would even go a bit further and turn the event into a growth moment for you.
As a coach, I am driven by how one can get to know him/herself even better and enable his/her personal growth. Yes, Every interaction is an opportunity as it might mirror your innerworld.
Me personally, I had a quite disappointing experience, I found. One of my prospects took disadvantage of my willingness to help him understand my way of working. Or should I formulate, I was practically teaching my wisdom to him, which brought me further from the sign on the contract, rather than closer.
So, who is the one to blame ? Is there one of us to blame ? Would it help putting blame ?
When I reflected on the situation, I saw myself overacting on one of my Core Qualities. In other words, that person served as a trigger for me to blindly pass my own boundaries.

So, my quite disappointing experience became an eye-opener to me. And now I am greatful this happened. I learned something new about myself. As of now, I can detect whenever a simular situation is popping up and consciously decide how to react in the most appropriate way.

Hope this contributes to your need/insight as well.

Thank you for bringing up this topic !

Joe, thank you for the follow-up and specifics. You continue to amaze me. The only thing I would disagree with is where you chastised yourself by saying “What a fool I am.”

In my opinion, your feelings were very natural. In fact, it’s because those feelings are so natural that I admire you all the more for overcoming them and finally making amends with your neighbor. The great thing is that the next time a situation comes up that might in some way stir up similar emotions of anger, you’ll be in a much better position to “respond” instead of “react” and keep things from getting out of hand in the first place.

Keep up the great work, my friend and brother!

The second tough part is when we see others hanging on to grudges and building up walls with people as a result of their emotional reactions and they won’t forgive and let go and all we can do is witness the self-destruction and set healthy boundaries for ourselves.

Great topic!

Julie Bartkus
http://www.MotivateTeachers.com
http://www.Workplacegossip.com

Time was starting to make the feud with my neighbor palatable; six months had passed since our fall out. It was late last winter when my three sons were playing football with the kids in our neighborhood, about a quarter mile from our house. Time has stripped my memory of exactly what I was doing but I remember that I was outside and could hear my son Aaron screaming. This was nothing new; Aaron tends to be on the dramatic side. I walked around to the front yard to see a stream of children walking up my neighbor’s driveway. The first boy, who is one of my neighbor children friend’s, was holding his jaw, I noticed that he was bleeding from his lip. One of the boys screamed that Aaron just punched the boy in the mouth. As I interrogated Aaron and the other children I concluded that the other boy was picking on Aaron and, as extreme as it was, retaliation was justified … (but later would be punished!)
The boy’s Mom came out of my neighbor’s house, accompanied by my neighbor, screaming at the first person she seen. Poor little Conor (my youngest boy) received the tongue lashing of his life from her. As I clarified to her that it was not this boy and tried to explain what had happened, my neighbor stated that I was out of line and that Aaron was not welcome in his yard, and walked away. Anger filled my head! Who was he to pass judgment over something that didn’t concern him? Boy’s get into fights! Things like this seem to work themselves out without us parents confusing things … now he had to go and cross the line and disagree with my mental point of view, WHAT NERVE! I must stand up for myself and protect the Vizi way of life! The line has been drawn!
What a fool I am!
After reading Bob’s blog the stresses of my stubbornness began to consume my thoughts. It’s strange how things seem to work out. This weekend my neighbor and I were at the county football field. Our children were weighing in prior to facing each other in what proved to be a football war. As we were standing outside I could see the joy and excitement in his face and I walked up to him, extended my hand and said “Good Luck”. As we shook hands, I asked him if he is ready to bury the hatchet between us. He said something about him being bull-headed, and I said that I was too. But what really meant the most to me was the look in his eyes and the smile on his face. I know he was excited about the upcoming game, but I would like to think that a small part of the smile was because we patched things up.
This was the start of what proved to be a great weekend! Almost instantly the stress went away!
“Forgive for your sake, if not for theirs. Those who ca n forgive live healthier, happier, and less stressful lives.” – Bob Burg
(How True my friend, how true)