Does Positive Expectation Really Work?
“Expecting someone to be helpful doesn’t change them, it changes you. And that is what changes them.”
–Bob Burg (Did I just quote myself?) 
You’re about to go into a sales presentation with a prospect you’ve heard can be a real bear. Or, you’re about to ask the customer service representative with a sour look on her face to exchange an item you don’t like but you lost the receipt.
Perhaps you need to ask one of your vendors to rush an order for you knowing he gets panicky when asked to do that. Or…or…any one of hundreds of situations where it would sure be a lot better if the person you needed to approach would be kind, smiling and ready to be helpful.
Both for long-term and immediate results, when you want to bring out a response in a person that meets your needs, act towards that person as though that’s how you expect them to respond. Yes, approach them believing they’re going to want to give you what you desire.
Before you think I’m totally crazy (actually, I’m just a little crazy) , talking “hocus-pocus” or suggesting that “just by thinking about it that’s what will automatically happen” please know that’s not it. That isn’t what I’m saying. What will happen, however, is that when you predetermine someone’s attitude or action in your own mind as being positive and helpful, you yourself take on a corresponding attitude (of course, the opposite would also be true). Yes, you change, which transfers directly into him or her changing their original attitude and acting in the appropriate solution-oriented manner.
Let’s look at two opposite approaches to the following situation and see how they might work out: You are about to approach an office worker at your local city hall. His reputation is that he takes pleasure in acting the part of the bureaucrat, goes “by the book” on everything and generally make it difficult to attain satisfaction.
#1 If you were to go in with a scowl expecting to get into a “knock down-drag out”, do you agree that you would be met by a person who would be very difficult to deal with? Sure, because you are setting the Matrix (the premise from which everything else will originate) of a battle.
#2 Instead, not only do you put a genuine, sincere smile on your face, but you actually expect that person to be warm, welcoming and helpful. Do you think He’ll have a much different attitude than in the above example? I hope you said yes because it happens practically all of the time; not just to me but to most everyone who practices these methods that we discuss in these articles.**
Your question might be “Why does that happen?”
You see, the reason is that, by adjusting our attitude – by genuinely liking this person and thinking highly of them, and expecting only the best from them – we are acting in that way, as well. And, if that person is like most everyone else (and he most likely is), how can he not like someone who likes him so much and expects from him only the best?
Yes, this works. In fact, it works in amazing ways with a vast number of people. (Hey, I know this works when people do this with me, and I’m the one supposedly teaching it.)
Before doubting this, do it with sincerity several times. I guarantee you’ll walk away in amazement and it will change the way you approach the normally difficult people. More importantly, it will change the results you usually get and you’ll find this makes your actions much more productive and your life a lot less stressful!
This happens to be one of the most powerful methods of positive persuasion there is, and we need to practice it until it becomes habit. It’s a habit that will pay off for you continually throughout your life.
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** This doesn’t necessarily mean you are automatically going to get what you want (though indeed that happens quite often). It does mean that as you try and work things out together you are you are coming from a matrix – or foundation – of cooperation and not antagonism.
Bob – Great stuff! I love the fact that you quoted yourself! LOL You are and inspriation in getting me to take this kind of theory and put it into action right away. All we have is now and relating to one another in this moment, so we might as well do it right! I love your blog and I’m going to invite all my peeps to check it out today.
Bob, I know you’re right, because when I reflect on all the occasions that I had success in similar situations, I can see why I got the results I did. I had started with the “correct” state of mind. So we’ve got to look inside to find why we get the results we get. The answer always lies within us. Great insights, as always.
Bob, I am a big proponent of attitude adjustments in order to get your desired outcomes, and have realized success in application. I’ve also not realized the desired outcome at times, despite my efforts. I would assume that is true for you as well? How do you explain or to what would you attribute that?
Hi Kristy, Thank you for your very kind words, both here and on your Facebook page earlier today (and on my facebook page).
That was very thoughtful of you.
Thank you, Al; as I mentioned on my Facebook page, knowing you as I do and as successful and nice a person as you are, it does not surprise me at all that this is how you relate to people.
Carmen, thank you, as well. I know this is the first time you’ve posted a comment. Welcome. Carmen, as well as these principles work, absolutely there are times you will not get the desired results. There are various reasons. Just a few include (but are not limited to):
1. It’s a “condition” as opposed to an “objection” on their part. In other words, they simply are not qualified to or in a position to bend the rules, make an exception or do what needs to be done. Indeed, this is rarer than one might think because there is typically a way to work things to everyone’s advantage but, sometimes this is simply the case. Or, even if there were a way, the person who has the authority to say “yes” is not around.
2. You are dealing with a person who is difficult; has an axe to grind, and is not looking to be helpful. Some people live for this. Again, let me make the point; the person this difficult is few and far between and can usually be won over very easily using the principles we are discussing. But I’m just answering your question as to how I would explain why even doing the correct things might not get you the desired result.
3. Perhaps you are saying the correct words but with an attitude that is not hiding your true feelings, or you are displaying a great attitude but the words are incorrect. Both count. Again, not saying you do this or have done this (though, I know I have) but it’s simply another possible reason.
So, again, while utilizing the principles we are talking about (which I call Winning Without Intimidation”) will *practically* always work, the key word is “practically”…not always.
Thank you again.
Bob
So True! It never ceases to amaze me how people will go into a situation “armed for bear” and then afterwards say “man, she was a ____!” People RE-act to the way WE act! Whenever there is a need at our house to call the cell phone company, or some other company and ask for something, my husband Chris always looks at me! It frustrates him that he can call and get no where, and I call and get “it” and more! It’s not hard! Treat people with respect, recognize that most customer service people RARELY talk to anyone nice, or respectful, and oh my, if you smile or laugh?!?! They don’t know how to act!!!
Excellent point, HeatherO; often, when you speak to a customer service representative with authentic politeness and respect, you are often one of the very *few* from whom they’ve experienced that. That right there separates you from the masses and they actually want to come through for you. Thank you for sharing.
Bob
This is spot on! Attitude is 95% of getting what you want…
Thank you, Liza. Short, simple and right on!
Very true, Bob. I tend to soak up what I perceive to be a person’s mood immediately when I meet them, and I predetermine the outcome that way. It works alot better if I simply work to make the exchange positive, regardless of what I know will be the outcome. The knowing doesn’t serve us well.
Positive expectation does work but even in the event you are not successful on one expectation, by approaching it with positive expectation and keeping a positive attitude, you will leave them still feeling great and your attitude will still be up and ready for the next one. Your success percentage will be much greater and you will feel 100% better.